Disappointed in SYTYCD. Mug shots can be the new ad campaign!

The new face on SYTYCD
The new face on SYTYCD

justin-bieber-court justin-bieber-goes-to-jailI had hoped it was just the season premier, but after the episode that aired last night I am officially over So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD).  It’s sad to say it because I love this show.  From Mary Murphy’s upbeat spirit and infectious laugh to the passion I can physically feel radiating from the television as a dancer takes the stage, this is a show that has always made me happy.  They support dancers of all ages even allowing kids to get the experience of dancing on stage even if they aren’t old enough to audition.  I feel like they’ve set a good tone and have been good role models in the dancing and television worlds.

That is, until they chose Justin Bieber to appear on their show.  With countless youth watching this show how could SYTYCD put Justin in front of the camera. What lesson are they trying to teach here?  If you break the law countless times we will reward you!

Well that isn’t how I like to operate.  I appreciate seeing Justin in a sober state not surrounded by police or smiling like a goof in a mug shot, but was there really no other dancer or performer on earth that could have introduced the dance crews? I feel like this is an entirely new side of SYTYCD.  They no longer care about being family friendly, setting a respectable and good example for its viewers or upholding a certain level of dignity.

After 11 seasons I refuse to continue watching.  I’m disgusted with their decision and think the show should be ashamed.  If you want your show to be the symbol of how not to behave and succeed you have achieved it, but I really hope show creators take a second look at their choice.  Every time a new article pops up about Justin breaking a new law the show is associating with that.  Every time he illegally uses drugs and the show continues to support him they are telling kids it is okay to follow his actions.

Wake up SYTYCD. Our kids don’t need to be sheltered, but they also don’t need a family friendly show being a bad influence.




I think I’m Cursed

sad_kuroHave you ever thought you were cursed? I know I have. Actually, I’ve felt cursed so much in my life that I just assume there is one massive curse haunting me. Lately it has had a specific plan on how to drive me crazy.

This curse seems to be very supportive of my relationship with Blair, my fiancé and boyfriend of 20 months, because every time he is gone something goes wrong. I swear it’s the universe telling me, “Don’t let this one go!”

Well I have news for you universe or curse or devil who hates me! I don’t plan on letting him go. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me so please give me a break!

I first realized that there was a curse on me when I was home alone one night for about five hours.  When I got home I heard a strange bubbling sound in the toilet. I walked into the bathroom and looked into the toilet to find air bubbles coming from the bottom of the toilet release a nasty odor into the room.  After trying to flush the toilet I found that the water in the bowl would not go down.

Naturally, I grabbed the plunger and started attacking the toilet. For about 15 minutes I plunged and plunged splashing toilet bowl water all over myself and the floor. The water seemed to lower so I walked away, cleaned myself up and got back to doing chores around the house. An hour later I heard the same bubbling noise from the bathroom. I repeated the exact same actions as I had done an hour earlier. As soon as the water had lowered I left the bathroom.

Then an hour later I heard the toilet bubbling again.  I walked in and realized there was a water splashing sound coming from somewhere.  That’s when I saw it. Water was shooting up out of the drain in the shower. Well, water and waste.  Come to find out it was human feces.  It stopped just shy of spilling over the edge of the shower floor into the bathroom.

I had a complete meltdown.  Blair wasn’t due home until after 10 pm and I had never called a plumber in my life. In New York City you just call your super and let him or her handle the problems.  With my current apartment I tried to call the landlord, but got no response.

After a complete meltdown, Blair convinced me to call a plumber via text message while he was trying to work at a work related dinner. He was so good to me.  Not many men will stay patient when their partner is at home having a complete meltdown over a bathroom emergency, but he did.

The plumber arrived around 11 pm and spent about an hour trying to snake out the main line for our building, which was causing a building wide backup due to tree roots growing into the pipe some how.  What really sucked was that he said the shower had to be cleaned for him to turn it on and see if the drain was clear, otherwise all the muck would wash back into it.

Without thinking I climbed in the shower and started cleaning up the muck. In my mind it was mud from the roots, in reality it was a mixture of mud and human feces.  This was something the plumber decided to only tell me after watching me clean it for a few minutes.

it too me until 2 am to fall asleep after trying to sterilize everything in the bathroom and sanitize my body. Having a feces explosion in your shower when you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is not a good thing. It’s not good period, but especially if germs give you panic attacks.

That all came in went. Blair was home and calmed me down.  We moved on from the nasty drama, but I took note of how awful it was having to deal with that alone.

Now Blair is out of the country on business.  My first night alone since the shower feces incident. Like most nights I got home late from work so had to rush the dogs out from their walk.  Then I started a load of laundry followed by a load of dishes. Once I was able to finally settle I poured a glass of wine and made my way to the living room.

Half distracted by checking my Facebook profile on my iPad I didn’t notice right away that the curse had peaked its little head out once again.  The television wouldn’t turn on. It seemed strange.  The television isn’t the newest TV in the world, but it is still good quality.

I fought with the remote for a while, changed the batteries, and banged it on my palm. The usual tactics to try to get something electronic to work.  Nothing happened and the TV remained black.

I got up and turned the power off and back on thinking that a reset may be needed.  Nothing happened after that either. The TV just wouldn’t work. I checked all the cords and everything was fully plugged in.  What am I supposed to do when home alone with no TV?

That’s when I decided to move the broken TV to an tend table and try to bring in the TV from my bedroom into the living room. While I did this I had to move the lamp from the end table onto the floor.

While juggling the bedroom TV and the lamp our pugs, Blair and I have two little black pugs, decided to start p[lay fighting right under my feet. As I tried to scoot the lamp to the side while it was sitting on the floor I began to place the bedroom TV on the entertainment center in the living room. That’s when I heard it.

1782063_10101637056298106_1196359640_nThe sound of glass clinking on hardwood floor.  In horror I looked over at the lamp expecting to find it broken as well.  Thank goodness it wasn’t. Also, thank goodness that the worst the curse has done so far is refused to let me turn on a television set.

My goodness. When the universe wants you with someone it really wants you with them and not apart for even a day.  Do you believe in curses or do you think things are just coincidences?

Orange Is the New Black opened my eyes

78316362My biggest fear in life is prison. I don’t know where this fear started from, but it’s been something I have nightmares about on a regular basis. For some reason I think it’s a fear of both losing the life that I know and love as well as the fear of physically being abused, because who are we kidding? I’d be a prime target in prison. Let’s just be glad I’d never break the law!

Some people are terrified of spiders, others are terrified of snakes, but for me those are just general frightening things. Prison is what terrifies me.

That’s why when I started seeing Orange Is the New Black popping up all over Facebook, Twitter, blogs my friends write and the media I was skeptical. Should I really watch this dramedy, which until I started watching it I had assumed was going to be more of a comedy than a dramedy. Even if it were to be strictly comedic like I original thought, shows and movies that take place in prison increase my already high levels of anxiety and stress, but how can I miss something that seems to be viewed as an amazing piece of work?

Not to mention my boyfriend really wanted to watch it, so I reluctantly agreed.

We sat down the first night and turned on our TV, switched the input to our Netflix account and started watching the first episode. Boy was I ever wrong about viewing this as a comedy. I don’t know how I missed the message that it was a dramedy, particularly the first episode. Yes, it has it’s comedic story lines, but truth be told the writers do an excellent job at fitting every emotion possible into the show.

The first episode brings to reality fears I hold inside, albeit they are realities for a character that is nothing like me, a statement I make because I view this woman as being a much stronger person than I who proves to handle these realities no matter how much she struggles.

Piper Chapman, the lead character, has to say goodbye to the world she knows. For me that would be losing everything in my life, a fear no therapist over the past 15 years has ever been able to shake from me. I thought that these opening scenes would force me to turn the TV off, but I kept watching as anxiety slowly tingled it’s way throughout my body. I felt Chapman’s phases of emotions in every scene. Denial at times, fear at others, optimism, pessimism, pain and embarrassment flowed through her portrayal of what her character was going through. Every transition naturally seamless, while keeping her head together throughout most of it. I know if I were her during that first episode I would have had to be strongly medicated. If my boyfriend has to go on a business trip I go through more emotions than most, let alone having to say by so I could go fulfill a 12 month prison sentence.

I’m honestly glad I did keep watching though. I’m not going to write about the script, which I love. I’m not going to write about the actors, all of which do an incredible job at portraying their characters. Each actor seems to find the honesty behind prisoners from being rough and angry to tender and broken.

What I am going to talk about is what I am taking away from this show and how it’s helping me.

Like Piper Chapman, my life hasn’t always been a bed of roses. That’s obvious since I am the writer of a blog which was started to get me through what I consider one of the worst divorces on the planet coupled with a number of other traumatic experiences. My life like Chapman’s has taken turns I never expected.

In my life, fears have become realized losing everything I knew to be reality more than once. I’ve not gone to prison, thankfully, but I have had to face devastation, transition and pain like I never imagined possible over the past 5 years. Each trauma scaring me in it’s own way. If you’ve ever been divorced, estranged from immediate family, attacked by a mentally ill man, lost a loved one, stood on the street during a drive by shooting or anything, had your best friend or family not love you for being gay then you know just how long wounds and scars stay with you.

In response to many experiences in my life I’ve allowed myself to be broken, but what I should have done is follow Chapman’s plan of fighting to survive in the face of adversity and find a way to live. This woman loses her life and gets locked up away from those she loves, has a lesbian try to take ownership of her, starved out by angry inmates and threatened by criminals more than I could ever imagine just to name a few situations without spoiling the show. None-the-less she wakes up each morning figuring out how to make life for herself better.

She chases chickens to please other inmates, helps inmates write their appeals and contributes to the society she now knows. For me this show isn’t a comedy or a drama, it’s a show about human nature and the best way to make your reality the best that you can. I’m disappointed in myself because I have not done that, but my goal is to try and stop letting the past 5 years haunt and hurt me everyday and love this new life we have started here in California.