Song of the Day – I Wanna Be Bad by Willa Ford

Song of the Day – I Wanna Be Bad by Willa Ford

I woke up today in a feisty mood.  Have you ever felt like your life had been boxed in?  Like you weren’t experiencing the world around you?  I am done living my life based off an iPhone calendar minute by minute.  It’s time to think outside the box.

That thought process is exactly what led me to finally plan my trip to Rehoboth Beach, DE.  Last night I spent an hour planning out this trip with a friend Dustin for a tweetup meetup with him and Twitter friends we have.  It got me thinking about how much I just need to let loose (in a safe and orderly way of course) and it definitely helped me get excited for my upcoming two week trip to Virginia.  I can’t decide which trip will be the most lively, but I know both will give me a wild ride.

I realized a few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, that sometimes you just have to have some fun.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and let your hair down.   I just want to be bad.  I am sick of being a southern bell buttoned up with ridiculous posture.  That persona is exactly why some of my friends nicknamed me Pearl last year.  Pearl was a reference to a persona they joked I had. They described me as being an older southern WASP housewife.  The image was always of me sitting in the corner watching over them sipping my vodka martini and twirling my pearls.

Now that my life is changing I kind of just want to have a bit of fun for a while.  Watching my friends having picnics in the park, running in groups, going to the beach, dancing through the night just has me wanting to live a little.  I am twenty-six years old.  It’s about time I start to act like it.  Everything that I can be I am going to be.  Skyroom dancing on a Sunday?  Why not?  Trip to Rehoboth with friends on a whim… Don’t mind if I do!

Who knows what is in store for me but I think it’s going to involve marathons, hiking, scuba diving, dancing and trying out just about everything my mind can think of.

I Wanna Be Bad by Willa Ford

Kindness of strangers and Song of the Day – Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan

Kindness of strangers and Song of the Day – Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan

It’s odd but the things that have struck me most the past week have been the random support I have received from the most unexpected places.  What do I mean?  For starters… social media. I’m not talking about random tweets saying “have a better day”.  That’s very much appreciated, don’t get my wrong, but it’s the people that take it a step or five farther.

One amazing guy who I have never met and who lives in another country wrote me a direct message saying that if I needed someone to talk to he would be happy to be that person.  He noticed things may be a bit below the norm for me lately so he took it upon himself to give me a shoulder to lean on and a number to call.  I kind of felt like it was a stranger putting a hand on my shoulder telling me that I am not alone.  Sometimes you just need a hug.  After over a month of no real hugs from anyone it kind of felt like a virtual expression of hope.

You see, when someone hugs me and says let it out, it’s like pushing a button.  I tend to turn cold face to face and have trouble really letting out my emotions.  I can be in tears and the second a friend walks in the room I dry up like a desert.  That is, until someone reaches out and hugs me.  I think it’s because I feel the connection.  I don’t know… But it’s how I act.

In addition to that experience a friend of mine who I haven’t hung out with or seen socially in over 6 months ran into me last weekend.  This person looked at me and said “you need to have some fun.  You need to let yourself go.  You need to dance.”  And before I knew it I was dancing in a crowded bar standing on a couch by myself dancing in my own little world (at Griffin for those New Yorker’s that may take a moment to read this).  By the end of the night I had danced on a couch with no care in the world that I was dancing alone making a fool of myself (I’m sure),  sang to Walking in Memphis at Sing it Out Sister Karaoke at XES Bar with the only other man in the bar that new the old song, and had a blast.  For a brief night my problems weren’t surrounding me.  For a brief moment I was me again.  I owed it to a friend I hadn’t been a good friend to in a long time.  Unexpectedly I got the support I needed to help me have a night away from reality.

There were others who have tweeted me or wrote me saying they miss me, or they hope things turn around for me.  Each taking notice that I’m not me lately and each letting me know they care.  It’s nice to see some people seem to know what it’s like to feel lost.

Regardless, this song by Simple Plan has been on repeat today.  I’m pretty sure they are singing to me.  It’s okay though because I feel like I am releasing a lot of tension rocking to this in my desk chair.  “To be kicked while you’re down, to be pushed around.”  Yea, feels like the new normal.

The new practice though is living today only.  The goal is to make it to bedtime in one piece.  To keep collected.  To live.  To breathe.

Song of the Day – Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

Song of the Day – Keep Holding on by Avril Lavigne

This song has been my song of the day by chance.  As I was leaving my apartment building it started to play.  As soon as it ended the Glee Cast version started to play.  Listening to two versions of the song and listening to the words I felt that it was the perfect song to give me a little hope and a little strength.  Sometimes the only thing you have is hope.

Song of the Day – Sea of Faces by Kutless

Song of the Day – Sea of Faces by Kutless

Today’s song of the day, well technically this is the second song of the day, is Sea of Faces by Kutless.  This is a bit out of the norm for me because it’s a Christian Rock song.  A little known fact about me is that I use to be religious.  I lost touch with my faith about 5 years ago.

None-the-less the music can still make me feel uplifted.  I remove the religious aspect from the music and think of it more as spiritual which is more my style.

To me this song is simply about feeling lost or even just feeling sad, but then realizing there is something bigger out there watching out for me.

Song of the Day – Can We Go Back? by Kelly Clarkson

Can we go back? by Kelly Clarkson

For no particular reason other than that this is the first time I have ever heard this song, I have decided this is my song of the day.  It makes me realize all the mistakes I’ve made in life and wish I could take them back.  Recent mistakes, mistakes when I was young, just life in general.

The song is kind of awesome.  Makes me want to get on stage and sing out.

Song of the Day – I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Whitney Houston

Song of the Day – I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Whitney Houston

Today’s song of the day is I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Whitney Houston.  Recently, someone close to me said:

“You always find a way to make it through everything that is dumped on you.  No matter what has punched you in the face you find a way to come out on top.  It’s who you are.”

I never really thought of it before, but I am stronger than I realized and more resilient than I ever thought.  No alcoholic person, no homophobic jerk, no ignorant man or woman has ever kept me down for long.  Having a major heart defect and a life expectancy of 16 didn’t stand in my way as is proven by the fact that I am still here a decade later.

2012 has not been an easy year for me or those in my life.  Every month has dropped a new hell on to me and/or those I love.  From the death of loved ones, to illnesses and tragedies every month has been a rough one it seems.  I am sure with a bit of work, drive and hope everything will workout in the end because of the strength I didn’t know I have inside and the strength of those I love.  We will all come out on top in the end.