I think I’m finding my voice again

BobbyTBD running in the 2014 Los Angeles Marathon.
BobbyTBD running in the 2014 Los Angeles Marathon.

I’m a little nervous about writing this, but I can’t help but feel positive changes are being made in my life.  No longer am I making choices and doing things based on emotions.  Instead of letting pain and sorry drive me I am letting passion take control.

While my life has been on an upward trajectory ever since I met my fiance, it is no secret to anyone that I have had a lot of personal emotional battles over the past couple of years. To respond to these emotions and in an effort to combat them I have tried to make lifestyle choices to help my mood and mental state.

Me and a team member prepping for my 12 mile night run during the April 2014 SoCal Ragnar Relay.
Me and a team member prepping for my 12 mile night run during the April 2014 SoCal Ragnar Relay.

I have forced myself to run a half marathon, full marathon and Ragnar Relay race.  The training was excruciating because I was running because I had to in order to feel slightly better as oppose to running because I wanted to.  The same thing goes for my writing.  I felt stuck for the longest time because I felt like a broken record with nothing to write about besides wanting to feel better and shake off my past.

Somewhat consciously and somewhat unconsciously I have started to shift from emotions directing my activities to my passion which couldn’t feel better.  I’m starting to feel like I am running because I genuinely have a passion for hitting the pavement like I use to.  I also feel like I am starting to find my voice again when it comes to writing.

My mother, father, aunt and me at the end of the 2014 Los Angeles Marathon and 1/2 Marathon. All are proud finishers
My mother, father, aunt and me at the end of the 2014 Los Angeles Marathon and 1/2 Marathon. All are proud finishers

When I was younger and still in my college political science major mindset I use to write passionately about all sorts of local, state, national and international issues.  Those issues seemed less important when I was focused on my emotions, but I am back to realizing that there is an entire world out there beyond my personal world of emotions.

Maybe I am wrong, but I feel optimistic. It feels like I am finally starting to determine who I am, what makes me happy and how I want my life to be. I guess you can consider this a Bobby TBD progress report.

Here I am running the 2013 Santa Monica 1/2 Marathon and 15k Turkey Trot.
Here I am running my first leg of the 2014 SoCal Ragnar Relay.