Getting Back to My Original Intent

A year ago my life was in a much different place.  It was in a place that caused the world around me to be covered by fog.  I really didn’t seem to know what was going on in my life and little did I realize it at the time, but my life was soon to be completely flipped upside down.

Can I tell you a secret?

What I thought was going to be a nightmare ended up being one of the best things to have happened to me throughout my life.  I was given the opportunity to start my life over so I did just that.

I created a blog so I had an outlet for my thoughts, feelings and emotions at that time. It was developed as a tool for me to be me.  Caring about what people thought was not supposed to matter because (at the time served one purpose and that was to allow me to live, feel, express and grow. It was intended to give me an outlet and to help keep me mentally active and healthy.

That’s why when I was driving to work today I thought it was odd that after two months of living here in California I still haven’t gotten back into the groove of writing again. One year after my life was plunged into abrupt change I find myself having moved across the United States to California and I am behaving like there has been nothing to share about this experience and about life in general. I think there is enough of a transition associated with a move to have plenty to write about, yet I haven’t been writing. I’ve been too afraid to write.

At first I told myself I wasn’t writing (or creating my going away party video of photos and videos taken from my moving away from NYC festivities) because I was too sad to be leaving all my friends.  Then I told myself I wasn’t writing because I had too much going on between working for a company based out of New York City while being in California and searching for a new job based in California. I guess I convinced myself that there was too much going on for me to concentrate on a blog.

Now I have no excuses besides not wanting to say what’s on my mind. I think I’ve been nervous because of the sheer number of people in my life that read my blog. I’ve been worried about what they will think of what I write.

You know what I think? I think I lost my original thought process when it comes to blogging. I am writing for me and only me. I am writing because I enjoy it and I am writing because it is an outlet for me.

Someone recently referenced a blog I wrote and told me to wear my hot pink. I feel like that’s a metaphor for my blog and my life. I need to step up and out again.