Kindness of strangers and Song of the Day – Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan
It’s odd but the things that have struck me most the past week have been the random support I have received from the most unexpected places. What do I mean? For starters… social media. I’m not talking about random tweets saying “have a better day”. That’s very much appreciated, don’t get my wrong, but it’s the people that take it a step or five farther.
One amazing guy who I have never met and who lives in another country wrote me a direct message saying that if I needed someone to talk to he would be happy to be that person. He noticed things may be a bit below the norm for me lately so he took it upon himself to give me a shoulder to lean on and a number to call. I kind of felt like it was a stranger putting a hand on my shoulder telling me that I am not alone. Sometimes you just need a hug. After over a month of no real hugs from anyone it kind of felt like a virtual expression of hope.
You see, when someone hugs me and says let it out, it’s like pushing a button. I tend to turn cold face to face and have trouble really letting out my emotions. I can be in tears and the second a friend walks in the room I dry up like a desert. That is, until someone reaches out and hugs me. I think it’s because I feel the connection. I don’t know… But it’s how I act.
In addition to that experience a friend of mine who I haven’t hung out with or seen socially in over 6 months ran into me last weekend. This person looked at me and said “you need to have some fun. You need to let yourself go. You need to dance.” And before I knew it I was dancing in a crowded bar standing on a couch by myself dancing in my own little world (at Griffin for those New Yorker’s that may take a moment to read this). By the end of the night I had danced on a couch with no care in the world that I was dancing alone making a fool of myself (I’m sure), sang to Walking in Memphis at Sing it Out Sister Karaoke at XES Bar with the only other man in the bar that new the old song, and had a blast. For a brief night my problems weren’t surrounding me. For a brief moment I was me again. I owed it to a friend I hadn’t been a good friend to in a long time. Unexpectedly I got the support I needed to help me have a night away from reality.
There were others who have tweeted me or wrote me saying they miss me, or they hope things turn around for me. Each taking notice that I’m not me lately and each letting me know they care. It’s nice to see some people seem to know what it’s like to feel lost.
Regardless, this song by Simple Plan has been on repeat today. I’m pretty sure they are singing to me. It’s okay though because I feel like I am releasing a lot of tension rocking to this in my desk chair. “To be kicked while you’re down, to be pushed around.” Yea, feels like the new normal.
The new practice though is living today only. The goal is to make it to bedtime in one piece. To keep collected. To live. To breathe.