Do we have to end up like our parents?

Do we have to end up like our parents?

On my run today a song started playing that I’ve never listened too before or at least paid attention to.  It pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks after the first to sentences because by the third I felt like this song was written about me. It’s ironic, a day ago I joked to a friend that my life has become a damn country music song and this just proves how true that statement is. The song is Walk Like A Man by Tim McGraw.  The lyrics that sang true to my soul were:

His old man woke him up to help him find the car
Take the bus uptown outside some rundown bar
He swore that he was quittin
And then he’d start to cry
And though the boy knew the truth
Sometimes he’d still believe that lie

When the sins of the father are the sins of the son
All you do is crawl when you wanna run
And God gave boys their mamas cause
They always see their promise
And they help them understand
How to walk like a man
Walk like a man

They moved a lot of places, they never settled down
It got pretty old being the new kid in town
He’d always tell his friends, my daddy’s sick today
Said he’d be rich if he had a nickel every time he heard his mama say

The sins of the father are the sins of the son
Crawl before you walk, boy
Walk before you run
Come on, stand up straight, I’m proud of you
Take my hand
I know you can
Walk like a man
Walk like a man

Your daddy’s demons are callin’ your name
Don’t you listen to them cause they’ve got no claim
Temptations may come, that ain’t no sin
You get stronger every time that you don’t give in

The sins of the father are the sins of the son
You can’t undo what has been done
You’ll have to retrace his footsteps
Through the sand
An’ pray you find the love of a girl, take her by the hand
And walk on
Walk like a man

One of the biggest fears in my life is becoming my biological father.  He is a man I have absolutely no respect for and will never allow back in my life, but none-the-less I share a lot in common with him.  Maybe it is genetics or maybe it’s just bad luck, but a lot of what makes me hate him I have replicated in my life.  His anger issues are similar to mine.  We all know I have a temper like a firecracker.  His inability to portion control when eating (or at least as of the last time I saw him a couple of years ago) definitely mirrors my inability. Trust me, you do not want to see me sit in front of a bucket of fried chicken! It just isn’t pretty.

I’ve found my biological father to be incredibly selfish since the day I was born.  I have learned over the past year that I am also incredibly selfish.

He’s made a billion mistakes in life that he can’t take back and he swears he doesn’t really know why he has made some of them… I know I feel like everything I do in life ends up being a mistake and bad choice.

Through it all though, my mother has stood behind me.  Yes, I am twenty-six years old and need to learn to stand on my own, but she has always helped me carry on.  She has always told me I can be whoever I want to be and it’s never to late to stop, reassess, change and overcome.  I’m lucky to have her as my mother.

I don’t know if Tim McGraw has been following me on Twitter over the past few years, but this song just stunned me.  I can’t decide if I should keep listening to it or turn it off.  It breaks my heart, what’s left of it lately anyways, but it also makes some things oddly clear to me.

All’s I know is I still don’t want to be my father and I will do whatever it takes to not be him and to change all the bad things about me, especially those things that make me like him.  You can always change if you put your heart into it. You can always over come if you want to over come… and you can always carry on.