Snakes on 9th Avenue

Living in New York City is amazing. You will see just about anything and everything while living here. Unfortunately, that means you will also see some things you wish you wouldn’t have to see. Where am I going with this? Well, I guess you could say this is a second “fashion failure” post.

Yesterday was yet another beautiful August day. The sun was shining and the city was alive. Around 5:00 pm I began my walk home from work yet again. Without a care in the world I sauntered down the west side of 9th Avenue from my office on 59th and 9th. After just three blocks I saw a group of rambunctious teens walking towards me.

They were behaving like most groups of rambunctious teens left alone with no supervision. They were loud, taking up the entire sidewalk and slinging slurs at each other for fun. My first thought was to just avoid them, but I noticed they weren’t bothering anyone and mostly leaving everyone alone. I decided to continue my walk down the west side of 9th Avenue. As they got closer, when we were between 57th Street and 56th Street I noticed the guy that would be passing closest to me was wearing a rather bizarre and 3D outfit.

I focused in on the accessories wrapped around his next and left arm (the arm that was to come within inches of me when we passed a few seconds later). As he got right next to me so that we barely missed brushing each other I noticed that the accessory around his next was not an accessory at all but a living green snack coiled around his next. When I looked at his arm which was just inches from brushing mine I noticed that he was not wearing an accessory on his arm but another living red snake.

You have to understand one thing before I continue retailing this experience, I am terrified of snakes. I am terrified of snakes of all sizes and types. I do not discriminate based on whether the snake is harmless or not, I hate them all equality.

As this red snake came inches from me I jumped and let out a scream that would have done horror movies proud. All the teens busted out into a humiliating laughter. I assume this is exactly what they wanted to have happen as they bounced through Hell’s Kitchen.

Without hesitation I quickly continued moving south and scurried away from them as quickly as I could to not just put distance between me and the laughter but to put distance between me and those awful creatures.

For the rest of my walk home I got shivers up and down my body every few minutes causing me to shake like a dog that had just gotten out of a bath. I don’t get the need to own a snake as a pet. Why not own a rabbit or fish or dog?

Additionally, snakes are not meant to be worn as part of an outfit. Living things aren’t meant to be worn as part of an outfit (at least while they are still alive). This by far was a major fashion and social failure.