Becoming Miss(ter) Independent and My Horoscope
Yes, I realize that I have written about my feelings in regards to horoscopes already, but this is pretty much exact to my day so far. My horoscope today says:
Monday, June 18, 2012 – You might be in emotional distress today, finding it difficult to ask for what you want. Your thoughts seem to be buzzing around in never-ending circles as they continue to grow more intense. Controlling your impulses is your smartest strategy to keep things from unraveling now. Thankfully, there’s no need to be overly concerned because your mood will likely shift midday, enabling you to settle down and accomplish your goals.
If you read any of my morning tweets or my song of the day blog earlier about being totally f*cked you are already aware that I woke up in a mood that is very accurately defined as “emotionally distressed”. I kind of wanted to smack myself in the face a bit this morning. Life is a bitch, this is no lie, but I feel like I am too hard on myself at times.
Now that it is one in the afternoon I am starting to come around to a more confident mood again. I am sure that processing a divorce is going to cause me multiple mood swings over the next year even though I think the divorce is the best thing for me. Partying a bit too hard last night doesn’t help things either. I should know not to go out so hard when my emotions are such a mess as is, but at the same time I am going through a lot and it’s only natural to not be totally in control every once in a while. No one said divorce was going to be easy right?
Now I just need to stick to the one line in the horoscope saying to control my impulses. My impulses are crazy lately. I plan to stick with my decision this morning to not drink as much as I have been for a while. Maybe I won’t completely cut alcohol out of my life for a month like I did in May, but I will cut it drastically back. With that decided I will increase my exercise routines drastically.
No more of the 3 day a week running routine. I have a new New York Sports Club gym membership. It’s time I put it to work! It’s time I make exercise a 5 day a week routine at least.
Two friends and a therapist also suggested I incorporate Yoga into my life. I’ve never been much of a Yoga person, but I honestly never gave it a real shot either. I’m sure it will help with my stress levels and at the same time help increase flexibility… which, let’s be honest, if I am going to be single I need to be flexible when it comes time to start dating again! Men like boys whose hamstrings aren’t overly tight from running (too much information?).
I also think acupuncture will help, but I haven’t really looked into it yet.
All of this is obtainable and as my mood has changed midday (as my horoscope indicated it would) I feel like goals aren’t too far out there if I just settle down a bit. Reaching these goals are important because I think they will help me get myself to a better mental place. I’ll be able to handle my emotions better as I dive headfirst through the recovery process of having the last 7 1/2 years of my life washed away as if a tsunami crashed on top of me. Most importantly sticking to these goals and doing these things will help me understand, be come comfortable with and be confident in being independent, something I am not totally comfortable with (as I explained earlier).
Really what it boils down to, and I don’t want to repeat anything from my song of the day blog, but I just need confidence. Achieving these goals, which seem relatively basic and simple in theory, will help me regain confidence in myself. I have to remind myself that I am going to be a hot mess from time to time as I go through all of the hellish things I have been going through and not to beat myself up to much for it. I just have to find myself and not listen to the discouragement I receive that this person I am slowly starting to introduce to the light isn’t a person worth introducing to the light.
Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson