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Which city has the better commute? NYC or LA?

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The grass is always greener on the other side.  That is what they say anyways and I am starting to see why.  Especially when it comes to commuting to and from work in Los Angeles when compared to commuting in New York City.

After having spent about 6 years commuting to work in New York City and the past 16 months commuting to work in Los Angeles I think I have a pretty good idea of the good and bad of each cities rush hours.

When I was in NYC I dreaded and loved commuting to work. Over the years I got to experience many different commutes because of job transitions or apartment moves.

My first commute was a 30 to 45 minute commute from Hells Kitchen to the Financial District. My second big commute was from Hell’s Kitchen to East Harlem.  My third big commute was to and from Astoria from Hell’s Kitchen. The fourth commute I had to learn while living in NYC was a 15 minute walking commute from my apartment in Hell’s Kitchen to the hospital I worked at in Hell’s Kitchen.

Each commute was about the same.  Crowded trains, pushy people, fighting to find the perfect place to read my books undisturbed and juggling coffee.

Here in Los Angeles I have had a few different commutes as well.  While public transportation hasn’t played a part in my commuting here yet, it’s really about the route to work as oppose to the mode of transportation.  I’ve taken a mostly back road commute through neighborhoods since moving here. I’ve gone through periods of having to take Santa Monica Blvd. or Wilshire from West Hollywood to Santa Monica.  I’ve also had to take the 10 Freeway to and from work for a period.  Each with their pluses and minus.

This got me thinking.  Which city is nicer to commute to work in and why?

Traffic & Options: images (2)

Both Los Angeles and New York City have major issues when it comes to traffic.  In NYC you can find yourself standing in a group of people on a subway platform 6 or 7 rows deep just trying to get on an already packed train.  I’ve watched multiple trains pass by me in the mornings, particularly when I was commuting to and from East Harlem or Queens, because they were too crowded for me to get on.

Subway cars in NYC are also often held up by train traffic.  That’s right, the MTA has internal traffic jams that they typically blame on signal related issues or passengers holding the doors. Train times are unreliable and not consistent.

Traffic is an everyday reality in LA
Traffic is an everyday reality in LA

In Los Angeles we battle actual vehicular traffic on a daily basis. It can take 30 to 60 minutes for me to get home from work during rush hour and I only live 7 miles away from my office.  The good news is that thanks to apps like Waze and the knowledge of multiple routes between my office and apartment I always have a way to cheat traffic.  When you are in NYC you have very few options unless you are midtown.  You either get on your train or you don’t.

Believe it or not I am giving this one to Los Angeles as being better with traffic and having more route options during rush hour because of the diverse options in routes and more reliability in transportation.

Door to Door:

In New York you often have to walk a bit to get to the subway and then when you get off you will have to walk a bit more to get to your destination.  This is a good way to power walk off any stress you may have.  It also allows for quick stops along the way for things like coffee.

In Los Angeles you typically are in your car from point A to point B.  I find it a bit too overwhelming in the mornings to find parking, park my car, walk into a Starbucks, stand in the same long lines I stood in while in NYC and order coffee on my way to work.  The added time it takes to locate parking is more than enough to make any stops along the way not possible without building in extra time.

Point to commuting in NYC! 

Alone Time:

Both cities offer you a little bit of alone time while commuting in their own ways.  In NYC if you have the ability you can often ignore everyone around you, zone out into your own world and do what you need to do.  It’s a good time to read a book, digest your thoughts and listen to music.  Very often, we find ourselves too busy for these simple activities in modern-day society.  Living in NYC you have time built-in to do just these things.

In Los Angeles you are truly alone when you are commuting (unless you carpool).  Sitting in your car doesn’t allow you to read a book unless you have a book on tape, but it does allow you something commuting by subway in NYC doesn’t allow you to do.  It allows you to be truly alone.  You have time to make calls to your family, a place to cry if you just need a good cry and a place where no one can really bother you.  You are alone with your thoughts, your music and your world.

For me I find that LA wins in this category.  I prefer being truly alone.  It takes more effort to feel like you are having alone time in NYC on a subway even though it is completely possible.

Aggravations:

Commuting anywhere in the world can create a long list of aggravations, but between Los Angeles and New York City I think one commute takes the cake in this arena.

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Packed subway platform in NYC during rush hour.

In New York City, while commuting by subway, you have to deal with people. People can be the worst!  Whether the people around you are being pushy, loud, rude or smelly you are bound to run into someone who fits one of those descriptions on a regular basis.  Falling in line with this is the fact that you have unauthorized performers begging for money on the subways.  Young

Annoying subway dancer.  The lady on the right says it all with that facial expression!
Annoying subway dancer. The lady on the right says it all with that facial expression!

dancers jump, twist, kick and turn all over subway cars coming inches from commuters faces.  If you refuse to make room for their illegal performances they get aggressive or rude even if the train is too full for you to move.

Subway trains are often delayed or held up mid-trip for unknown reasons.  You can be cruising along when out of the blue the train comes to a complete stop for 15 minutes with no explanation.  At least in Los Angeles you know why you are stopped because you are personally in control of your vehicle.

Los Angeles has a number of aggravations associated with commuting during rush hour in the city as well.  For starters, the traffic is one of the biggest aggravators, mostly because people can’t drive.  I guess I should just say that people are in issue everywhere.  People cut you off, don’t use turn signals to switch lanes and things like that. All of which can drive a man crazy.

When it rains in LA, even if just a few drops, it’s as if every driver on the road forgets how to drive.  It’s just rain LA, step on the gas. At least go the speed limit for the love of God!

Overall, I think the aggravations in NYC were worse for me personally.  I hated being tossed around, fighting for seats, trying to not to breathe because a homeless person is standing nearby who has obviously urinated on themselves a few times. The win goes to Los Angeles. 

Use of time:

This is a bit more difficult. Right out of the gate, I’d have to say I used my commute time more wisely in New York City simply because I could.  I could read on the train, I could write on the train, I could prepare for meetings.  I could study on the train, review notes, or simply play iPhone games to clear my head.

When in LA and commuting in your car you are pretty restricted about what activities you can do.  You have to drive, so you can’t be overly distracted after all.  You can make calls if you have a hands-free device, but otherwise you can’t be extremely productive.

Point goes to New York City!

Cost:

New York City has a flat monthly rate for your unlimited monthly metrocard.  While the price has slowly increased over the years you still know your exact expenses for the month when it comes to commuting.

In Los Angeles you can’t always gauge how fast your car will burn through gas. You also can’t depend on gas prices since they go up and down on a regular basis.  Then you have to factor in car maintenance fees and insurance.

Overall I think New York City wins in the cost category.

Reliability:

I can always rely on my car, but I can’t always rely on a subway to be there when I need it.  Simply put, LA is a bit more reliable and offers more alternatives than NYC. Point for LA!

Filth:

Do you really want to be stuck next to this on the subway? ~ Photo by Helayne Seidman
Do you really want to be stuck next to this on the subway? ~ Photo by Helayne Seidman

New York subways and subway stations are old.  I’m sure it’s no surprise that you can come into contact with countless germs, virus’ and bacteria while traveling on public transportation.

My car is as dirty or as clean as I make it and it’s my filth.  Point to LA again!

Los Angeles: 5 Points

New York City: 3 Points

 

For me, Los Angeles is just a better place to commute to work.  I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but it comes down to what you value.  I value less personal aggravation, more alone time, more reliability and the ability to be self-reliant and not reliant on the MTA.

Sometimes even I realize I’m too much!

This morning I woke up thinking it was going to be a good day.  Of course I was a bit tired, but within the first 20 minutes of being awake I had already learned that I’ve lost 3 more pounds, was going to have a cup of coffee and break my no coffee rule again, and a picture I had posted the night before on social media was getting a lot of fun attention.

Then I headed to work and immediately things started to turn sour.  First I backed my car into a trashcan and knocked it over.  That’s always fun!  Then I pulled on to Santa Monica Boulevard to find that traffic was completely stopped.  After ten minutes I realized I had to turn around and go back home because I forgot to take my medicine.  Once home and in the bathroom reaching for my medicine I accidentally dropped my iPhone.  When I picked it up I found that the screen was shattered. After that I got in my car a bit rattled to learn that there was a horrible accident on Santa Monica Boulevard and I’d have to find a new route to work.

Then I received an email from a friend with the subject line “ridiculously amazing”.  Inside the email was a copy of the picture I had posted the night before and a quick note about how my friend finds me to be ridiculous, silly and that she is glad I can always make her laugh.

Personally I think that there is not a person on earth who could successfully argue that I do not have a good sense of humor and that I don’t know how to laugh at myself.  This was proven by this picture last night. Yesterday was a very special day. It was the birthday of one of my dearest friends, Robbie, and also the day before my boyfriends sister visits. Naturally this required both a celebration and a house cleaning, so in true Bobby fashion I grabbed a cosmo and a mop.  Realizing how silly I looked I had Blair, my boyfriend, snap a picture so I could share it with Robbie and Blair’s sister on Facebook and Instagram.

I knew the picture would get some attention since these aren’t private networks, but I didn’t expect how much attention it would receive.  It’s been liked like crazy on Instagram, definitely enjoyed by some of my Facebook friends, tweeted about, emailed about both among my personal and professional networks and I even received a few text messages about it.

As I look back I realize just how funny the picture is which is perfect timing because after the morning I’ve had I needed a good laugh.

Now as I settle into my day I feel the need to laugh more than earlier and decided that it’s best to laugh at yourself. Life pushes you into many difficult situations, frustrating circumstances and sad moments, but it’s how we respond to them that makes us who we are.  Over the past year I have gotten a divorce, moved 4 times, left a job, started a job, said goodbye to all my best friends and family and started a new life.  There have been many wonderful moments, but also many hard moments.  So let’s take a moment to laugh at the way I have handled them.

1. The one that prompted this, the birthday celebration I threw for my friend since we were a country apart and he wasn’t getting to celebrate his birthday all while cleaning.

Weight loss proof

2. Last summer I decided to take a beach trip to Rehoboth to escape New York City. A fun trip with my friend Dustin to the beach ended up getting a bit rainy.  First we found ourselves crowded in a parking deck with a large group of beach goers so I decided to entertain those waiting for the rain to stop with a lovely dance.

RAIN

By the time we got to the hotel, cleaned up and headed out to the bars it was still raining, so I decided to go out in on the patio at the bar and do a little back-bend in the rain for the guys.

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3. Then the month of December came.  Christmas is always emotional when you are going through major transitions. I knew this past Christmas was going to be my last in New York, my last with my friends there and the first home with my family in over 7 years. The month of December found me getting a little too obsessed with Santacon to the point that I couldn’t let go of my elf costume and wore it repeatedly every chance I got.

Elfness

 4. Then there was the going away party for Blair and I prior to our move from NYC to LA. My friend and I decided to reenact the legendary scene from Titanic at the front of the boat, but failed…

Failed Titanic

5. Then I randomly convinced myself that it wasn’t clear that I am gay on social media so I made my Twitter and Facebook profile pictures pop with rainbow pizzazz. 3ed9d098005411e28df322000a1e9df2_76.  Then I went on a hike and realized I never had to question how gay I come off to people.

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7. We can’t forget how I celebrated my favorite holiday, Halloween. I marched through New York City dressed as a Alexander the Great’s concubine (my boyfriend dressed up as Alexander the Great for Halloween). This is real life for me!

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8. Then there was that time I thought I should climb a tree at 2 am. I don’t know how this is me getting past tough situations, but it’s pretty much worth inclusion for a laugh.

tree

9.  There was also that time my boyfriend convinced me it would be fun to clean up trash on the beach.  To get over that trashy experience I went to swim in the pool and of course I got a little too excited about the pool floats.

The floaty

10.  And lastly for my most ridiculous moment… The time I showed a little too much emotion at my going away party… and I kissed a girl…

The Girl Kiss

and then I kissed another girl…

The other girl kiss

Then everyone got in on the fun…

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And eventually even my boyfriend realized I can be a bit out of control so he made his claim.

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And I accepted his ring pop faux-proposal

The ring pop proposal

When life throws you tough situations and unexpected obstacles approach them with humor and laugh at yourself when you do something stupid.

Fighting a case of the Mondays

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Waking up on a Monday morning is the same for me no matter what coast I am living on. It’s simply brutal.  The alarm clock goes off and I instantly groan.  Within seconds, but rarely feeling like it is quick enough for my liking, my boyfriend hits the snooze button. We then cuddle until the alarm sings out a second time, then a third and often a fourth time.

57437109Finally, that awful announcement rings out one last time telling me I am pushing my luck and need to stop allowing that snooze button to be pushed. From the side of the bed with its mocking instrumental song that I swear would be saying this if there were lyrics to it:

It’s Monday, it’s beautiful, get up off your butt you lazy fool. Look at me, I am as chipper as I am every other morning of the week as should you be!

I always wish I can just set the alarm clock on fire and roll back over, but without a second thought, I roll over as my boyfriend hits the snooze button a last time. It’s Monday after all so I guess I have to get up!

After 45 minutes of this snooze button routine I find the strength to pull my body out of bed and stumble to the bathroom. As I approach the mirror I am immediately thankful that I took my contacts out the night before, the first time I had taken them out in over a month, because my morning mess of hair isn’t fully visible to me as I stand in front of the mirror.  I know I have to look like a tragedy and that’s the last thing I need to witness when tired and grumpy!

The typical Monday anxiety swept up and down my chest as if I was about to go over a drop on an old rickety wooden roller coaster and I thought once again to myself, “well shit, another Monday”. Then stepped into the shower to wash the weekend fun off of me and out of mind so I could focus and start the week with a clean slate.

Trying to make it through my morning routine often seems impossible. I guess the shower doesn’t clean my mind well enough because I tend to still be dragging after.  This morning in particular I dragged as much as I could without making myself late to the office.  It’s strange because yesterday consisted of nothing but resting and relaxing. You would think I had set myself up for the perfect Monday morning, but it’s almost as if nothing I do can get me past a “case of the Mondays” as they would say in the movie Office Space.  It’s the same for me on every coast of the United States and across the world for that matter. I’m just not a morning person regardless of timezone or circumstances.

Knowing that I was screwed if I didn’t take action to combat this vicious case of the Mondays I decided I would treat myself to a Starbucks grande coffee. My magic weapon against my Monday morning exhaustion.  On my way into the office I swung by Starbucks and grabbed just that.  A nice, steaming cup of coffee with a splash of soy milk and a dash of Sweet N’ Low.  It’s like a warm embrace for my throat as I took my first sip. A smile came to my face with every sip that flooded between my lips, past my tongue and down my throat into my stomach.  It didn’t take long for me to feel the rush of caffeine as it seeped into my bloodstream.

The first few sip hit my lips like a charge of electricity.  I knew my Monday wasn’t going to be totally awful after that.  Coffee was in my hand.  With no care in the world when it comes to the fact that my cardiologist, general practitioner, psychiatrist and therapist have all told me to cut back or cut out completely the amount of coffee I drink I just walked to my car sipping away at my bitter, dark and luxurious happy juice.

As I approached my car, a sexy Jeep Grand Cherokee, I placed the paper Starbucks coffee cup on the roof and opened the door.  Heaving my body into the driver’s seat I got physically situated and then reached my hand up blindly to grab my coffee.

Without more than a second of hesitation my hand found it as if the cup had a beacon calling for me to drink some more.  I pulled it into the Jeep and started to place it in the cub holder closest to me when all of a sudden my hand was drenched in hot black liquid.

My eyes darted down to see that some how the cup had gotten squeezed.  The cap Coffee Cuppopped off and coffee exploded from the cup as if it was lava bursting out of an active volcano.

How the heck was I supposed to deal with this? I found some tissues and soaked up as much liquid as I could and then thought to myself, “maybe this is a sign?”

As I mentioned, countless medical providers have told me to either cutback the amount of coffee I drink each week or cut coffee out of my diet completely. From my cardiologist to my gastrologist to my general practitioner to my psychiatrist, no medical provider left the coffee stone unturned. apparently coffee isn’t good for my heart, it’s not good for people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) which I have, it isn’t good for people with anxiety and in general it is a good idea to not drink a ton of coffee on a regular basis.

Having this in mind both before I purchased the coffee, after I purchased the coffee and while I looked at my spilled coffee all over my Jeep I had one thought come to mind, “Is this karma?”

Coffee was a thing of New York for me.  I use to drink it by the gallon, grab a cup every morning with friends and a refresher every afternoon. Here in California though, the people I surround myself with have been advocating for me to try more natural alternatives to coffee.  Maybe it’s time I find a new secret weapon against a case of the Mondays. There are plenty of ways to energize myself in the mornings including:

  • Exercise: I’ve been trying to run in the mornings, but goodness knows my inability to wake up on a regular day has prevented me from waking up early enough to run on a running day.
  • Water: Drinking tons of water is supposed to help with energy so I have increased the amount of water I drink each day 10 times over.
  • Green Tea:  Green Tea actually contains a large amount of caffeine so you can get that caffeine jolt with out the coffee shakes.
  • Multivitamin’s: Apparently these are supposed to help give you energy, but I don’t notice it in the instantaneous way I do with coffee.
  • Wheatgrass Juice (and Green Smoothies): This is a natural source of energy containing tons of vitamins, minerals and other things to help energize your body.  Tons of my colleagues drink wheatgrass juices and other green based smoothies in the morning.  I’ve tried it once or twice, but still need to give it a fair shot.

There are many other alternatives, but these are some of the ones that are most mentioned to me.  Maybe it’s time I take the next step forward with getting my feet on the ground here in LA and kick the coffee habit I developed in NYC.  I have a feeling Green Tea would stain less if I absent mindedly spilled it all over the car in a half-asleep state of mind like I was in tonight.

What’s your favorite remedy for Monday exhaustion?

Coyote rib cage… redefined coyote ugly for me!

CoyoteNature is something that surrounds you when you live Los Angeles, CA.  Something I had known was going to be the case, but I hadn’t really wrapped my head around the full meaning.  That has changed now however.

Since moving to California I have gone on a number of hikes.  Every time I ventured out into the mountains I knew what the risks were.  Poison oak creeps around every bend, rattlesnakes slither along the ground and coyotes roam freely in the wild.  My first thought was to be too freaked out to venture out on any nature hikes, but I quickly got over that thanks to how beautiful California is.

Then this past weekend arrived and the reality of what is truly involved in the wilds of California became clear to me.  Walking along a dirt path in Lake Hughes, California this past weekend my friend came to a sudden stop.  She was looking off to the side of the path when she said, “um is that what I think it is?”

It was exactly what she thought it was.  My first thought was that it was a snake coiled quietly in the desert mountain brush.  That alone would have disgusted me more than enough for me to head back to my car and drive back to my apartment in West Hollywood.  Yet it wasn’t a snake of any kind.  Instead it was the remains of a coyote.  The rib cage to be exact. It redefined coyote ugly for me because those remains were no pretty.

You would think a snake would have bothered me more since I am petrified of snakes, but something about this random rib cage sitting a quarter-mile away from the little cabin room I was going to be staying in that night completely shook me.  Every bone had been licked clean.  It was as if the rib cage was an impostor, but it wasn’t. It was the real deal!

One of the feelings I was plagued by my last six months in New York City was that I felt overwhelmed by the lack of places I could escape to and not see buildings all around me.  I wanted nature and open spaces.  Spaces where I could exercise and clear my mind.  After 5 1/2 years Central Park was no longer cutting it for me.

Now I have to ask, what have I gotten myself into?  And even more, as we learned from Jessica Simpson’s sad experience when her dog was snatched by a coyote, what have I gotten my dog Evian into?

I’m not going to let this realization of what exactly is involved when it comes to nature stop me from going on more hikes, but it sure as heck is a new experience when moving from New York City… oh wait… is it a new experience? I guess I forgot about this little guy that ran loose in NYC two years ago!

SNTV – Wild coyote runs loose in NYC by splashnews

Song of the Day – BobbyTBD Blogs are Back

IMG_3137For the first time since I announced that I had decided to leave New York City and head to Los Angeles I have decided to pick up my blogging again.  Not exactly where I left off though.  After a couple months off of my typical blogging routine which consisted of listening to music and writing I have found myself in a new place.  A place where I feel safe and comfortable to start writing about my life again.

I took a break because I was sick of being sad.  Every blog had a theme and that theme was me trying to make myself push through a horrible year.  I was writing about divorce, life changes that scared the hell out of me and often the need to find strength even though I felt constantly weak.

Times have changed.  You see, there was period last year, before I met my boyfriend and connected with many of the friends I have735958_10100906850830716_264286980_o today where I felt broken.  My heart ached everyday when I woke up and alone was a word that defined every fiber of my being.  The guy crying in the corner of his kitchen on Riverside Drive as he watched everything he knew melt away is no longer the guy that I am. Today I am a guy who smiles surrounded by amazing people.

Yes, I still cry.  Everyone knows it and anyone who has tried to say goodbye to me as I get ready to move this week has definitely witnessed a few tears fall from my eyes. Yes, I’m still not perfect, but I am one thing I wasn’t last year.  I am loved and I know it.  Many people in my life have watched me go through an emotional roller coaster this past month (and for that matter the past year and a half), but this past month the emotions are different.  They aren’t sadness because I have nothing (sorry Whitney, but you aren’t getting this song of the day blog).  They are tears of the best sort.  You see I am no longer the guy that cries alone in his kitchen.  I am the guy that knows he isn’t alone and is surrounded by love and compassion.

778703_10100974203470486_996079940_oLast winter/spring a guy I use to think was a good friend called me and said I would never make real friends.  I have the inability to connect and understand others and make friends, at least that’s how I was made to feel.  I wouldn’t find that type of love.  I’d be alone.   For whatever reason, I believed him and among all the things I was feeling last year his words stained my heart and broke me just a bit more than I already was.  I gave up all my strength and passed it to those who counted against me.

Now I’m in pain because I am sad that for the first time in my life I feel like I belong.  I can honestly tell myself that my so called friend couldn’t have been more wrong and I was an idiot for listening to him.  When I announced my decision to move it felt like the hearts and souls of everyone I know opened up and embraced me.  The flood of support I received overwhelmed my senses in the best of ways while at the same time tearing down the negativity I had felt deep inside.  Every tear I drop is dropped because I am sad, sad to have fought for so long to feel loved and supported to realize it was already right there in front of me and yet so happy that I have the ability to be sad in this way.

Maybe it sounds crazy, but a year ago I was crying because I had nothing.  Now when I cry it is because I feel like I have everything I have ever wanted.  I am thankful to shed tears because I have to say goodbye to people who love me.  It’s a far distance601228_10100947988550396_2098358610_n from where I was a year ago.

I’m so thankful for these past few months and I’m so glad I get to leave New York knowing that I can be loved and I can make friends. It’s a new start that I get to start with a confidence that I owe to each of my friends, supporters, champions and my boyfriend. Even if I stumble a little here and there I am on my feet again.

Be prepared because BobbyTBD is back up and running and I will be detailing this new experience. This experience that isn’t about loss, but about gaining.  It’s about rebirth. It will be about taking myself out of the constant blogs of needing to be strong and fighting to make it and instead they will be about the fact that I am strong and have made it.

484779_10100943878776416_1910642851_nI’m landing on my feet and I am standing tall so as a reintroduction to my long-lost Song of the Day blogs I am dedicating this first blog back to the ever amazing song sung by Cher, You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me because this is a song I wrote about a year ago and what it meant to my life at the time.  I wrote swearing to those who counted against me, like my so called friend briefly mentioned above, that I was going to make it and you shouldn’t count me out or down.  I have landed on my feet and as Cher sings, “you can’t stop me.”

 

Moving… forward

Sitting at my computer on more than one occasion, I have tried to write about this topic multiple times.  Each time I get distracted and push the delete button.  Once or twice I was distracted by life, phones ringing or having to rush off to something like work or a social event.  Once or twice I hit writers block and once or twice I realized I did not like what I was writing.

I think all those distractions stem from one specific thing and that things is that my brain just can’t seem to be in one place.  Most

The view from my new building in Astoria

people that know me know that 2012 has been a struggle for me in finding myself, starting a new life and really just trying to make the world around me make sense.  That’s actually the reason why I changed my website from my name to bobbytbd.com.  This year my life has been focused on determining everything there is to me.

The point of mentioning all that is to say that every time I sit down to write about my move I can’t shake the negativity associated with it.  No matter what angel I take it seems I have to “throw some shade” in someone or anthers direction and that is not the type of person I want to be.

This move to Astoria served as the next to the last moment for me in the process to declare my independence and full control over my life.  For as long as I have been alive my life has been nothing but living with other people.  I moved from living with my parents to living with someone I was in a relationship.  For the first time in my life I live on my own.

This move was like a border being placed between my old life as Bobby Argabrite and my new life as Bobby Hall.  For the first time since all the hell in my life broke out into a public chaotic mess I have a place to go to where I can say, “this space is mine.
This space is safe. This space is for me.  This space is me.”

My room while I was putting it together.

The space is a room in a two bedroom apartment I share with a roommate.  The room is amazing.  It has two large windows that flood the room with natural light illuminating the bright colors I have strategically placed throughout.  I’ve carefully decorated the room in a light grey with yellow accents scattered around in pop color and color blocking fashion.  It’s an airy, light space full of positivity everywhere you turn.  It’s a space that is full of my personality, which is something I’ve not really had in a very long time.  It kind of defines my personality, the personality I am trying to re-engage with.

It also is a space that satisfies every need I recently realized I have when I need to be alone.  It has a bed full of pillows to lay on.  There is a windowsill for me to sit in and read and a “living room area” with a couch and TV for me to veg out at.  In this space I can turn my music on and flutter around the room writing on my laptop and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in the privacy of my own home.  I can escape into my own world in that space and that is something I’ve needed more than anything for a while now.  It’s taking Bobby TBD and slowly helping me become more than an acronym.

One thing I’ve needed is to have a space, even if I don’t use it often, to call my own and where I am comfortable and safe being alone at.   This is that space.

I’m taking a giant leap forward and know that the past is just that, the past.  The sadness, pain, fear and anger that consumed so much of my thoughts and emotions in the early part of 2012 are behind me.  Now I am moving forward.

Why you should ask me to be your roommate!

Why you should ask me to be your roommate!

Finding an apartment to rent or room to rent in New York City is one of the most time consuming and often aggravating processes in the world. I’ve been going through all the possible websites to find a room to rent or apartment and decided I’d take my search one step farther.  I’ve decided to let the room find me!  As one of my favorite women ever, Whitney Houston, said, Step by Step. I am looking for an apartment or room to rent and I specifically want it to be in Astoria.

I’d make a good roommate. Why? Well, let’s see.

I have a steady job so you know I’ll make my rent. My credit score is high (trust me I checked it today). I’m gay, let’s just put that out there! Who doesn’t want a gay roommate? It’s like having a real life floor length mirror that talks back and will never let you walk out of the apartment in the wrong shoes. I’ll probably spend 3 – 5 days a week away, so you get a roommate while almost living alone. Talk about a quiet roommate right?

I have an adorable pug who loves almost everyone she meets (but she does have standards). She is sweet, well-trained and there isn’t a person on earth who doesn’t fall in love with her. She is American Kennel Club (AKC) approved and she will only spend about 50% of her time in my apartment as I like to take her with me if I will be away.

If that doesn’t make me sound appealing maybe this will… I can cook. I like to consider myself the gay Martha Deen (Paula Deen and Martha Stewarts illegitimate child). Okay, I’m not that good, but I promise I can cook.

I clean, but at the same time don’t mind if you aren’t anally on top of your dishes. Cleaning gives me something to do when I get bored with TV and who are we kidding, TV is boring lately so you can count on a clean apartment.

I’m an excellent mixologist. Seriously though, what gay isn’t? If you like my cooking you’ll love my mixing. Not only do I mix though, I am a really good wine shopper. If you have $10 I can guarantee we can find a good wine to sip while sitting on the couch if we share a roommate movie night together.

I have tons of music a roommate could have access to. That’s obviously just a side perk to living with me. I love music and listen to it most of the time. When I write I rarely write in silence, but I prefer to wear headphones so the music won’t bother you if you aren’t a music person. I’m so considerate that way!

Also, I shouldn’t forget to mention, I am a runner. Runner for life in fact. If you need motivation to get yourself out on the pavement I am your guy (but you don’t have to run with me of course, just putting that sentiment out there).

If you’re a girl I have a few straight guy friends you may just hit it off with, if you are gay I have tons of perfect gay friends and if you are a straight man… all bets are off. Just kidding! If you are a straight man you can just imagine how many hot girl friends I have that I am happy to invite or not invite around.

After four years of living in Manhattan I think it’s time for a change. I want to live in Astoria and bring the Queen out in me! Oh, I mean the Queens out in me.

So what do you think? You want to live with me right? Or you know someone who would? Let me know!