Tag Archives: LGBT

The Real Book Club of West Hollywood

It’s been over a week since I last posted something and that’s because… life happens. I got busy with work, personal life, trying to get my healthy living routine on track, but I am back.  The first post of the week is in honor of my book club!

If you have ever been a part of a book club you know they can either be really fun or really boring. Ours is on the fun side.

Interested in joining? Check out this video:

THE REAL BOOK CLUB OF WEST HOLLYWOOD

Bobby and Blair in 2012 after first starting to date at Boxers NYC.

After 8 years, we had our first date!

2004:

Remember the days before Grindr and OkCupid?  When we had to either use antiquated social sites like XY.com or Gay.com to find other gay men in our area to be friends with, or to do other things with?  Back in 2004 I was one of those people using XY.com to see who else was out there.

Virginia was a lonely world for a gay guy in his late teen years.  I wanted friends or a guy to date.  I found a lot of frogs in that time, but no princes.  To be fair I was in high school and about to head off to college.  I didn’t really know what I wanted at that time.

None-the-less I searched longingly to fill an emptiness inside of me.  Then one day I got a message from a guy on XY.com.  He was cute, but a bit older.  I was a senior in a Virginia high school and he was a freshman at American University in Washington, DC.  We talked for a while on AIM, that’s American Online Instant Messenger for you young kids out there, and tried a few times to go on a date. I loved chatting with him online. He was forward, but honest.  He was sweet and always knew what to say. He made me laugh every day.

At that point in my life I thought laughter was gone from my world, but he had reintroduced it to me. Unfortunately with his just having started college and my trying to wrap up high school we never got the chance to meet in person before I packed up my bags and moved off to college.

2008:

In December of 2007 I graduated from college a semester early.  My boyfriend at the time really wanted to move to New York City and I figured it sounded like fun so I went along for the ride.

When I arrived in New York I realized I didn’t know anyone besides the boyfriend I moved up with.  At this point in my life my online world had already started to expand.  I was on Myspace and Facebook and used them both regularly.

One day when I was sitting bored in my Hell’s Kitchen apartment I decided to see if I could find anyone from my past who may have moved to New York as well via Facebook.  I signed into my account and synced all my contacts into my Facebook profile.  First my AIM contacts, which included that adorably sweet guy from American University who use to chat with me my senior year of high school.

He popped up as someone from my contact list who was also living in New York City now.  I was excited to say the least.  I kind of knew someone and possibly could make a friend.  No, we couldn’t date at this point because I had a boyfriend, but I figured everyone needs friends.

I decided to make the bold move to write him. I was going to be throwing a birthday bar crawl for a friend so I decided to invite him to that. A group situation to break the ice seemed like a good idea.

Our Facebook conversation started February 21, 2008:

Blair responded to my invitation: hey hun, not sure how we know each other, or what party I am supposed to attend, but I guess if you’re coming to NYC to party let me know where and when, k, hope you have a good bday!

Realizing that I probably sounded a bit crazy since we hadn’t ever met or talked since 2004 I thought I should say more. I added someone I talked to 4 years earlier on a dating website to my Facebook page, invited him to a birthday party and expected him to remember me and come. I tried my best to reign in my crazy.

I wrote him back: I did the find which of your AIM contacts are on Facebook.  I decided to check my old screen name from when I lived outside of DC.  I think we met when you were in college at American University.  Now that I live up here in NYC I figured I’d add you as a friend because it never hurts and I really know no one up here lol. I know it seems random!

I guess Blair realized that his original message was a bit curt so he replied:

Blair’s response on Facebook: No, I wasn’t trying to be mean, just confused and didn’t want to ignore you or anything. That’s totally cool, when I moved up here I didn’t know a ton of people either but now I have a really great group of gay friends and girlfriends from work, etc. So yea, if you and your bf or whomever are ever interested in going out just let me know, they’re a lot of fun. And as I said last night I was kinda confused about when and where your party is so if your having one let me know. Have a good day!

Our conversation continued for a couple more exchanges. I tried my hardest to engage with him and he entertained me to an extent, but as he tells me now he didn’t see much of a point. I had a boyfriend and he wasn’t interested in just being friends.

He never showed up at the party i was throwing and we didn’t get to meet that year. I wasn’t all that surprised, but it was worth a shot to run into him again after 4 years.

2009:

Nonchalantly, as all of us do, Blair and I wished each other Happy Birthday on Facebook when our birthday’s came around.  While we both arbitrarily invited each other to our birthday parties that year, neither of us went to the others. Our lives continued on separate paths.

2010:

While living in Hell’s Kitchen on 47th Street between 8th and 9th Avenues I was walking Evian when I noticed a guy walking toward me.  At this point I was married to the guy who I had moved to New York City with, so was still unavailable.

None-the-less the guy caught my eye.  I am only human after all.  As he got closer I could tell he was looking at me too.  He was incredibly sexy.  His walk screamed of confidence. His outfit was fitted and stylish and his scruff was so sexy I could hardly take my eyes off it until I noticed his eyes.

He must have noticed me staring because he kindly said hi as he passed. Once we were a few feet past each other we turned, smiled and waved acknowledging that we knew we had just passed each other in person for the first time since we had started talking in 2004.

Sadly, I was taken and he was walking to meet a guy for a date. The stars were not aligned for us at this point.

2012:

In 2012 I split with my now ex-husband.  Divorces take a long time, but one month after announcing publicly that I was no longer married I got a message that changed my life forever.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was sitting at my desk at Roosevelt Hospital in Midtown Manhattan when I noticed my Facebook was blinking.  Someone had either sent me a message or made a comment.  I decided to check it out.

Blair wrote me a private Facebook message on June 27, 2012: So, I know this is kinda random, but I see your pictures on Instagram and Facebook all the time and always thought you were such a cutie. I know we chatted ages ago, but I guess I didn’t realize you were single until very recently.  Would it be too forward to ask you out for a drink sometime? Hope you’re enjoying this lovely day. ~ Blair.

I think I read the message twenty times before calling over my work-wife Daisy to read the message with me and stock his Facebook photos.  A couple of guys had asked me out since the divorce and I had gone on dates, but none had excited me as much as this guy.

I was hesitant but after ten minutes I wrote him back, “Hi Blair”.  Then I must have had further hesitations because it took me two more minutes before I fully responded.

My full response sent on Facebook: You are just the sweetest.  I haven’t been single all that long, or at least public about it, so I’m not surprised you didn’t notice.  I think a drink would be nice. I do remember we use to talk when we both live in the DC area but never were able to meet up.  I am leaving for Virginia early Friday morning and won’t be back until July 12th. Anytime after that would be wonderful. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx and of course I do think you are cute as well, and a little forwardness is always welcome!

After about 15 minutes he hadn’t responded and my nerves were getting the better of me.  I was asking myself a hundred questions. Was I ready to date?  Am I moving to quickly?  If I wait

Then my conscience started to scream at me.  I couldn’t resist writing more because I felt guilty and as if people would judge me for dating.

I wrote: I do have to be honest though, not sure if I am looking to date at the moment, but a drink doesn’t hurt if that sounds good to you.

Smooth, so freaking smooth.  I guess playing hard to get has never been my strength.  Luckily Blair is patient. He has waited since 2004 to take me on a date, so dealing with a little hesitation didn’t seem much of an issue.

Blair responded like a gentleman: Well that all sounds fine, and I completely understand if you’re not looking to date, I’m kind of in an in-between stage myself, so maybe we can just get a drink and see how it goes, haha. The summer is crazy, I’m in and out a lot as well, but we should be able to find a time after the 12th. (I’m in Chicago July 14-17) Do you wanna just pencil in the 19th and revisit when we get closer?

My response:  Yes, we can pencil in the 19th. That works perfectly for me. I work in Hell’s Kitchen so I can stay in the area post work . If I come back from my trip earlier I’ll let you know. My trip is very up in the air at the moment as it’s last minute and things at the office are so crazy busy.  Chat soon or see you on the 19th .

I was due to take a two to three-week trip to my parents. I was very fortunate because my job at the time let me travel to my parents since my life had so much going on to get my head on straight.  I thought it would be perfect to get me out of the city and away from my ex.

In the days building up to my trip Blair and I started to exchange Facebook messages and text messages.  My attraction to him was growing with every day.

By the time I got to my parents we were chatting regularly.  I obviously through playing hard to get out of the window, until my parent’s home came into play.  Their home tried to force me to play hard to get.

You see, they live in the middle of no where Virginia.  The first day I was at their house a storm hit Virginia and Washington, D.C.  Power and cell towers were knocked out throughout the area.  This was an issue that lasted for about a week.

My parents are fortunate enough to have a land line for phone calls and a backup generator that can give electricity to the guest house I was staying in, but not to the main house.  My trip wasn’t ruined, but I couldn’t get on the internet to chat with Blair there.  I couldn’t text him or call him from my cell phone either.  To top it all off he was in Cape Code with his friend and I didn’t want to interrupt his trip by calling him from the landline. We hadn’t even met after all.

Yet, I learned quickly what type of guy Blair is.  Without hesitation or question he called my parents home that first night to talk to me.  He enjoyed talking to me and getting to know me.  I enjoyed talking to him just as much.  As if we were living decades earlier we started a courtship for two weeks over the phone.

When I could, I would drive the hour and a half to Richmond, VA were I could get service on my cell phone. That allowed us to send each other pictures of our trips and further connect with each other.

By July 11th I was dying to get back to New York City.  When I left I never wanted to go back, but after two weeks of talking to Blair on the phone I couldn’t wait. We got to know everything about each other.  We had no choice, but to talk and learn about each other’s lives.  I think that is something missing in a lot of relationships today.  Thanks to apps like Grindr people often meet, have sex and move on with their lives.

When the time came for me to decide if I would stay an extra week or go back to New York City I decided I had to go back to New York City.  My mother and I hopped in the car and began the long drive up the east coast.  The entire time Blair and I texted each other and sent pictures as I made my way back to the city. He was already back from his trip.

My mom and I arrived around 5 pm.  She had to continue on to Connecticut for a business meeting, but I had business to take care of as well.  I unloaded the car, put Evian in my apartment and immediately headed to Queens.  Blair and I couldn’t wait any longer. We mutually decide that July 19th wouldn’t work.  The moment I got back to the city on July 11th I ran to the subway and our relationship began. We met for the first time in person and never looked back. 

Two years later I have to say, he is every bit as amazing and thoughtful as he had been those first two weeks while I was in Virginia.  He is a gentleman that wants only the best for me.

2014

Today we celebrate our two-year anniversary.  It’s been the best two years of my life.  We’ve moved across the country together and started a new life. We adopted a second dog and began to form our family.  Most importantly, we have decided to get married.  Sometimes I just have to sit back and remind myself that I have a pretty amazing life and an extraordinary partner.

I’m  not a patient person, but sometimes the best things in life are worth the wait!

 

 

 

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It’s a Gay Extravaganza on CBS Big Brother 16

If Zrankie isn’t going to give us the full on gay showmance some of us are sitting on the edge of our seats waiting for I have to thank Big Brother for at least feeding our interest in two good-looking men enjoying each other.  Yet, they aren’t just feeding out interest with two men fondling each other.  They have given us two homoerotic fantasies in one season. Zach and Frankie vs. Cody and Frankie. Yet, only one of the three is gay! Frankie Grande is one of the luckiest gay men on the planet right now.

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Frankie Grande and Cody Calafiore on CBS Big Brother 16

Ariana Grande said it herself, that if Frankie was going to be in a showmance she would prefer it be with Cody instead of Zach.  I don’t care who Frankie has a showmance with any more as long as he keeps getting these so-called straight men to flirt with him.

I have to say, Zach has grown on my substantially over the past couple of weeks. I strongly disliked him from the get go.  Then CBS highlighted a bit of his relationship with Frankie this past week.  Zach let us know that he claims to be 100% straight, but none-the-less loves gay men and in a way thinks of Frankie as a boyfriend.  He is fun to talk with, flirt with and cuddle with.

Frankie Grande and Zach Rance on CBS Big Brother 16
Frankie Grande and Zach Rance on CBS Big Brother 16

Believe it or not, this is actually a reality.  I have met many straight men out there that enjoy flirting with gay men. They are my favorite type of straight man.  You get hit on, without the guy being too inappropriate or aggressive.  They even become protective in a way, which I have always found comfort in. I knew a guy like that back in high school.

He would probably kill me for talking about it, but we never did anything inappropriate. I don’t know what he thought of our relationship, but I love it.  He cared about me. He flirted with me. He’d even put his hand on my leg as we drove down the street together.  He knew everything about me and I trusted him.  The worst thing to happen to me was to lose that friendship.

When we graduated high school he went off to a military affiliated college, joined the military, got married and has kept a pretty low profile in my life.  It’s shame.  We may not have agreed on politics or religion… ever… we did have a natural connection.

With that all said, I do believe that it is possible for Zach to have the feelings he says he has toward Frankie without being gay.  Do I think it is true in this situation. No, I kind of don’t. I think I am too hopeful for some gay love on CBS’ Big Brother to let him off the hook.

None the less, CBS is continuing to give us gays and lovers of gays the opportunity to salivate.  During week one they let the houseguests play in a photo booth.  Why haven’t more people shown me these pictures? Tons of you Facebook, Tweet and talk to me about this show and the gay themes this year, but no one showed me this! What is wrong with you.

Enjoy the homoerotic nature of these photo booth pictures. Maybe I am team Crankie (maybe Frankie and Cody need a different combined name haha).  SO who makes the better couple?

 

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A Purpose: Defined

Over the past month I have been putting a lot of effort into finally revamping bobbytbd.com.  I’ve written countless times over the past year or two about how I have hit a road block when it comes to writing for my blog.  I just couldn’t get beyond the surface of things to topics I really felt interested in anymore.

Everything about the blog seemed wrong.  While my focus hadn’t really changed, in that I will always be in search of who I am and what makes me, me, I no longer was writing as a reaction to my divorce.  I had reclaimed my life, but that also meant changing to look of my blog.  If my writing is going to be different then I felt the visual of the site should reflect that.

Unfortunately with the change in my feelings toward the blog I also couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write about anymore. Now, after a month of hard work, I think I have started to make some headway.  With a new design I feel as if this blog has become more easily navigable.  Visitors can now see that bobbytbd.com isn’t just about me venting about my day. Don’t get me wrong, I realize I do vent a lot here, but it is now more evident at a quick glance that I am trying to do more. Maybe not much more, but more than just journaling about my friend Betty being a mean person.

I want to share an everyday, flamboyantly gay, 28-year-old man’s point of view on ever day life, events and interest.  That can range from healthy eating to America’s pathetic obsession with out-of-control celebrities and how my life comes into play… or at least my views.

There is also going to be a section dedicated to my favorite summer obsession, CBS’ Big Brother!  I’ve been watching it for years and look forward to it all year-long.  It’s such a brilliant show or social experimentation, how could I not analyze it each week?

Now that I have a visual for my website that I think is representative of me and I have started to tackle the wall preventing me from thinking of content and topics to write about I want to tackle something new.

Well, I don’t know why I am acting like it’s a big announcement. I wrote about it the other day.  I asked if I should try to tackle YouTube or not.  I’ve made the decision that I will, but what should I talk about on my YouTube channel?

I don’t want it to be like every other YouTube channel out there.  I don’t want to just be another product reviewer or something lame.  I want to bring something to the table that I haven’t already.  I want something uniquely me.

Look out later this month for the launch.  Topics will range from feminist issues to my views on haters of “sissy gays”.

Mama Tits is on the far right!

Mama Tits Educates Ant-gay Protesters at Seattle Pride!

Have you ever seen Tits explode?  Well I have and you don’t know what you are missing!

Oh, I’m sorry, get your head out of the gutter.  I don’t mean tits as in the slang word for boobs.  I am referring to the lovely and talented drag queen by the name of Mama Tits.  A woman with an eye on what’s right and a force to be reckoned with.

It’s taken years for me to learn that sometimes somethings are just not worth fighting.  A lot of people out there are stead fast in their beliefs no matter how ignorant or misguided they are.  There is just no getting through to them. One of the things I have learned that isn’t worth fighting is anti-gay protesters.  They are always going to hate.  None-the-less I do think it’s great when someone who has a platform and a large voice who can reach audiences stands up for what is right.

That’s exactly what happened at Seattle’s Gay Pride event.  Drag Queen, Mama Tits, took her microphone and confronted the protesters head on. Acting as a crusader she used a mature approach to the irrational group.

Instead of fighting blindly she stayed calm and stuck to the facts. Why don’t you read the bible before you preach about it?  That’s the question I got from the exchange.  Picking and choosing which parts of the bible you want to follow isn’t what any religion intended.

Mama Tits may not have gotten anything through to the protesters, but she did inspire people in the audience and people all over social media with her decision to address the protest. I applaud her and hope we have more voices like hers fighting the good fight for full acceptance and equality for the LGBT community.

Check out Mama Tits schooling these ignorant fools.  Nose to tits, words were said.

End hate… don’t protest a Fred Phelps Funeral

Fred Phelps protesting and spreading hate.
Fred Phelps protesting and spreading hate.

Fred Phelps has died and so has my ability to write apparently. All I have wanted to do was write about his passing and what my feelings and thoughts are about it.  Like many members of society, particularly being a member of the LGBT community and an Army son, I am not sad to see him go.  None-the-less I do have a lot of feelings about his passing because of the hate he spewed and the revolting things he did in his life.

As the founder of one of the countries most notorious “hate churches”, which I consider to be a group that operates more like a cult mired in hate speech and rhetoric as oppose to an actual Christian church, has made a name for himself by way of his unbelievably un-Christian methods of preaching what he believes to be the word of God. He, along with his church named the Westboro Baptist Church, are responsible for picketing over 53,000 events from funerals of slain soldiers, to funerals for members of the LGBT community, and at events like Lady Gaga concerts.  Let’s not forget when they planned to protest the funerals of 1st graders who lost their lives in the tragic school shooting in Newton, CT. All of this was done with the intent to protest America for homosexuality and spread hate.

I remember when Jerry Falwell passed away and many supporters of the LGBT community and other liberal groups rejoiced, but that “celebration” made me rather uncomfortable. Does celebrating the death of someone as horrible as Jerry Falwell of Fred Phelps make us no better than them? That’s a scary thought because I don’t want to be anything like either of these men.  I want to live in a world free of prejudice, racism and hate. It’s a lofty dream, but one that won’t gain much movement if those of us that are on the right side of history are busy rejoicing in the death of men we hate.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have much sympathy for these men. They left the world with legacies that compete closely with those of men like  Hitler, Stalin, Osama bin Laden, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Jared lee Loughner, Timothy McVeigh, Rousas John Rushdoony, Jerry Falwell, and Rev. D. James Kennedy.  It’s natural for people to feel relief or other positive emotions upon learning of the deaths of men like this.

Yet, does that mean we should protest Fred Phelps funeral? This is a question I have heard mentioned many times in the news and on social media networks.  My answer is simple and straight forward.  No, we shouldn’t protest the funeral of Fred Phelps.  We would be no better than him and all the remaining members of the Westboro Baptist Church.  While I don’t really know what my religion is I do believe that since he has died it is time for him to meet his maker and let his God cast judgement upon him.

Our job, now that he has passed, is to make sure we learn from him and this awful church.  We need to use his life and failures as educational tools for our youth.  We should show our children how the hate that he spewed did nothing but cause pain, anger and hurt.  We should be the bigger people.

My dad, a retired colonel in the army, always told me to remember the golden rule:

Treat others how you want to be treated.

Rise above and don’t give his family, I mean his cult, I’m truly sorry but I actually mean his church a larger voice than they already have. Don’t think twice about it, they would rejoice in our copying their behaviors and protesting his funeral proving that we are no better than them.

Additionally, his daughter has stated that a funeral will not be held because her church doesn’t worship the dead. As a church that believes themselves to be Christian they should realize that Jesus Christ was a man and if they worship Jesus Christ then they worship the dead.  This proves that we need to take this opportunity to educate people who he has brainwashed with years of hate speech.  They are so desensitized they won’t remember their father’s memory with a funeral.  They are so blinded by his preaching that -keep-calm-do-something-to-end-hatethey don’t even know what Christianity is.

I may be stuck on what to say about his passing, but what I can say is that we need to rise above him, above the Westboro Baptist church and all of its members.

Let’s end hate. Hate breeds hate and the only thing we will accomplish by returning his hate with our own is a continued escalation of negativity.  We, Americans, are better than that aren’t we?

Sometimes even I realize I’m too much!

This morning I woke up thinking it was going to be a good day.  Of course I was a bit tired, but within the first 20 minutes of being awake I had already learned that I’ve lost 3 more pounds, was going to have a cup of coffee and break my no coffee rule again, and a picture I had posted the night before on social media was getting a lot of fun attention.

Then I headed to work and immediately things started to turn sour.  First I backed my car into a trashcan and knocked it over.  That’s always fun!  Then I pulled on to Santa Monica Boulevard to find that traffic was completely stopped.  After ten minutes I realized I had to turn around and go back home because I forgot to take my medicine.  Once home and in the bathroom reaching for my medicine I accidentally dropped my iPhone.  When I picked it up I found that the screen was shattered. After that I got in my car a bit rattled to learn that there was a horrible accident on Santa Monica Boulevard and I’d have to find a new route to work.

Then I received an email from a friend with the subject line “ridiculously amazing”.  Inside the email was a copy of the picture I had posted the night before and a quick note about how my friend finds me to be ridiculous, silly and that she is glad I can always make her laugh.

Personally I think that there is not a person on earth who could successfully argue that I do not have a good sense of humor and that I don’t know how to laugh at myself.  This was proven by this picture last night. Yesterday was a very special day. It was the birthday of one of my dearest friends, Robbie, and also the day before my boyfriends sister visits. Naturally this required both a celebration and a house cleaning, so in true Bobby fashion I grabbed a cosmo and a mop.  Realizing how silly I looked I had Blair, my boyfriend, snap a picture so I could share it with Robbie and Blair’s sister on Facebook and Instagram.

I knew the picture would get some attention since these aren’t private networks, but I didn’t expect how much attention it would receive.  It’s been liked like crazy on Instagram, definitely enjoyed by some of my Facebook friends, tweeted about, emailed about both among my personal and professional networks and I even received a few text messages about it.

As I look back I realize just how funny the picture is which is perfect timing because after the morning I’ve had I needed a good laugh.

Now as I settle into my day I feel the need to laugh more than earlier and decided that it’s best to laugh at yourself. Life pushes you into many difficult situations, frustrating circumstances and sad moments, but it’s how we respond to them that makes us who we are.  Over the past year I have gotten a divorce, moved 4 times, left a job, started a job, said goodbye to all my best friends and family and started a new life.  There have been many wonderful moments, but also many hard moments.  So let’s take a moment to laugh at the way I have handled them.

1. The one that prompted this, the birthday celebration I threw for my friend since we were a country apart and he wasn’t getting to celebrate his birthday all while cleaning.

Weight loss proof

2. Last summer I decided to take a beach trip to Rehoboth to escape New York City. A fun trip with my friend Dustin to the beach ended up getting a bit rainy.  First we found ourselves crowded in a parking deck with a large group of beach goers so I decided to entertain those waiting for the rain to stop with a lovely dance.

RAIN

By the time we got to the hotel, cleaned up and headed out to the bars it was still raining, so I decided to go out in on the patio at the bar and do a little back-bend in the rain for the guys.

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3. Then the month of December came.  Christmas is always emotional when you are going through major transitions. I knew this past Christmas was going to be my last in New York, my last with my friends there and the first home with my family in over 7 years. The month of December found me getting a little too obsessed with Santacon to the point that I couldn’t let go of my elf costume and wore it repeatedly every chance I got.

Elfness

 4. Then there was the going away party for Blair and I prior to our move from NYC to LA. My friend and I decided to reenact the legendary scene from Titanic at the front of the boat, but failed…

Failed Titanic

5. Then I randomly convinced myself that it wasn’t clear that I am gay on social media so I made my Twitter and Facebook profile pictures pop with rainbow pizzazz. 3ed9d098005411e28df322000a1e9df2_76.  Then I went on a hike and realized I never had to question how gay I come off to people.

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7. We can’t forget how I celebrated my favorite holiday, Halloween. I marched through New York City dressed as a Alexander the Great’s concubine (my boyfriend dressed up as Alexander the Great for Halloween). This is real life for me!

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8. Then there was that time I thought I should climb a tree at 2 am. I don’t know how this is me getting past tough situations, but it’s pretty much worth inclusion for a laugh.

tree

9.  There was also that time my boyfriend convinced me it would be fun to clean up trash on the beach.  To get over that trashy experience I went to swim in the pool and of course I got a little too excited about the pool floats.

The floaty

10.  And lastly for my most ridiculous moment… The time I showed a little too much emotion at my going away party… and I kissed a girl…

The Girl Kiss

and then I kissed another girl…

The other girl kiss

Then everyone got in on the fun…

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And eventually even my boyfriend realized I can be a bit out of control so he made his claim.

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And I accepted his ring pop faux-proposal

The ring pop proposal

When life throws you tough situations and unexpected obstacles approach them with humor and laugh at yourself when you do something stupid.

So I don’t fit the mold of a traditional man…

When I wake up and get ready in the morning I know that I have a routine that doesn’t necessarily fit into the stereotypical mold for a traditional man.  It’s not unknown to me that I am not an all American jock.  Masculinity isn’t a word that would apply to me even a little bit.  I’m not traditional.  I’m a gay man.

In the mornings I shower like “men” do,  I shave like “men” do, but the similarities to the traditional view of a man end there.  You see, I also pick out color complimentary clothing that is fitted tightly to my body.  Often my clothing is blasted with hot pinks, bright yellows and shades of purple.  Next I style my hair multiple times until every curl is exactly where I want it and some times I flat iron it piece by piece until it’s flawless.  Then I move to my face.  I apply concealer to any imperfections that I think tarnish my face,  I dab on under eye concealer and tinted facial moisturizer to serve as foundation. On Halloween (and maybe one or two other days a year) I may even apply a little eyeliner and mascara to make my eyes pop.  Once a week I shave my legs and once a month I get my eyebrows waxed.

I wear the clothes I do, I do my hair the way I do and I do put on makeup like I do for one reason.  That reason is because I enjoy it.  It makes me happy.  I feel good about me.  It’s how I choose to live my life.  It’s not particularly masculine and is well out of the male stereotype, but it is me.  I’m a little different than the average bear (no pun intended) and I am aware of that.  I’m gay.  I’m feminine.  I am who I am and I am perfectly proud of it.

I realize that not everyone is going to accept me for being less than an all American man.  Especially when I am in the ignorant conservative area’s of the country.  In those areas I am slightly annoyed with negative comments I may receive, but I know that these people are simply ignorant and insecure with their own masculinity.  That’s not an excuse for them, but it is the way it is.  I don’t let it get to me.

What does upset me though is the gay men who give me shit for being me.  A gay man mocking me for my shaving my legs or wearing makeup disgusts me.  A gay man laughing at me,  not with me, about my concealer, shaved legs or whatever else I am wearing or doing isn’t acceptable.  I would expect a gay man to understand that not all men have to live their lives by one mold.  Since I wear makeup you’re given the right to mock me?  So I carry a rather large shoulder bag and admittedly label it a purse.  Does that give you a right to be a jerk?

As a community, how do we expect to be treated equally and have the general populace embrace us for being different and nontraditional if we can’t accept the differences in the LGBT community ourselves? I refuse to keep being mocked, put down or humiliated because I am simply living my life.  I especially refuse to accept intolerance for my differences within my own community.  The LGBT community should be one where I can be who I am free of bullying, mocking and put downs because I am not traditional.

Having hairy legs and baggy clothes doesn’t make you a man in my book.  Owning who you are as a person is what makes you a man.  I own that I am out of the box.  I love being out of the box.  If you can’t accept that then you aren’t a friend that I want to be around any more.  Gay men who put other gay men down for not being “masculine” or being feminine or doing things that stereotypes tell us only women should do makes those gay men no different from ignorant high school bully’s.  I won’t stand for it.  Not anymore.


Perfect (Glee Cast Version) Full Performance from Chelo-NGL on Vimeo.

Major League Sports – Get Involved to end homophobia

I would be lying if I said I had much of an interest in sports when I was a teen, but I find that to be a pretty big shame. As a youth and preteen I loved to play soccer. Not only did I love it, but I was rather good at it.

I think it’s in my blood because I am a highly competitive person. Being a competitive person I think it is healthy to have a sport to retreat to in order to release the energy I have to accomplish things. Not only that, but as a lonely and depressed teen I think sports would have been a great avenue for me to go down in order to find the types of friendships and supports that sports offer many of their members.

You may be thinking to yourself, “why does it matter if you admitted to not being all that interested in sports in your teen years Bobby?” Honestly, I think I lost interest in sports because of the attitude that surrounded me when I went to the first day of soccer practice my freshman year of high school. I was an outcast, which is strange for me because even as a depressed teen I was extremely social. I was depressed behind closed doors and smiles in public for the most part. The resistance to a flamboyant teen was what made me decide to leave the sport after day one.

Unfortunately, as a flamboyant gay male, the sports world isn’t always that welcoming. Never once in my teenage years did I feel that I was welcome in the masculine straight world of high school sports. The guys on our sports teams weren’t un-accepting of my sexuality overall, but they weren’t welcoming to me joining their world of sports either. The gays tended to be directed toward Crew, Track, Color Guard, Cheerleading or Dance.

The lack of acceptance isn’t limited toward flamboyant gay men though. It’s to the gay community in general. We learned this recently when Yunel Escobar from the Blue Jay’s baseball team wrote gay slurs on his face at a game.

While the sports team suspended him for three games and directed the income he would have received for those games to the You Can Play cause fighting to end discrimination and a lack of acceptance in sports today, it none-the-less happened. Sports are a culture of misogynistic and homophobic behaviors. Behaviors that I find ironic in a world where heterosexual men smack each others behinds to express their support for one another.

Major League Baseball and the MLB Players Association supported the punishment given to Escobar because they support respect for all fans, they don’t have the same fast and appropriate response when they are asked to speak to The Last Closet. The Last Closet, according to their website, is “a grassroots movement and campaign to end the prevailing silence around homophobia in pro sports and to encourage professional athletes, commissioners, team owners and other members of the sports world to consent to in-depth interview about this subject”.

The Last Closet has reached out to executives in all professional sports leagues to discuss homophobia in sports and the importance of ending homophobia in sports particularly in hopes to help end suicide, depression and a lack of inclusiveness in the sports world for those who have to hide who they are. They reached out to the Commissioner of Major League Baseball who refused to open up this dialogue. I wish to call on the MLB to extend their support to an overall effort to stamp out homophobia in sports, not just when the MLB is under fire for an isolated public incident.

I agree fully with The Last Closet when they say that it’s important to have the heads of professional sports to take part in a project and conversation highlighting homophobia in sports and how to end it because, “as leaders of their respective sports leagues they are in the unique position to change the culture of their sport and make it more inclusive”.

Men in sports who are gay but not out could serve as role models for younger athletes showing them that there is nothing wrong with coming out and playing a sport. Professional sports accepting and treating gay athletes with respect and dignity will show heterosexual youth to be inclusive and accepting of gay youth who want to partake in their sports. In return sports teams will help gay youth struggling to find a place to belong to be apart of teams, which serve as a social unit for people as they grow.

I’ve decided to take part in the League Commissioners Campaign at The Last Closet. To take part all I have to do is write a letter, as directed on their website at http://www.thelastcloset.org/campaign, to the commissioners of the professional sports leagues. I will be telling them about why I think it’s important to take part in the Last Closet’s mission and how I think it will help struggling youth like some of those who inspired the It Get’s Better Project.

It’s important to have more players in professional sports and the entire professional sports world stand with players like Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo who publicly supported the legalization of gay marriage. His stance sets him as a positive role model in today’s world where we are fighting for equality, respect, love and acceptance for the LGBT community.

 

Honey Boo Boo Child – Everyone’s A Little Gay Autotune

This poodle can’t help but repost this video.  I’ve never watched Honey Boo Boo’s new show on TLC, but I have enjoyed some of the clips that get passed around on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter.  Yesterday I saw the clip of Honey Boo Boo’s acceptance of the LGBT community when she introduced her gay uncle, who she refers to as Poodle, to the camera.

I was a little taken back by the stereotypes expressed by Honey Boo Boo’s mother and the comparison of other “gay” dogs by a girl I assume to be her sister, but all in all was pleased with her acceptance.  It’s refreshing to see that this family, while following stereotypical thoughts about gay men, don’t live up to a stereotype about lower-income white families in rural America being homophobic.

In celebration of Honey Boo Boo’s acceptance of the gay community I think the world should rock out to her song, the auto-tune Honey Boo Boo Child – Everyone’s a Little Gay that was craftily put together and posted on Jimmy Kimmel Live’s YouTube channel.