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Becoming Miss(ter) Independent and My Horoscope

Becoming Miss(ter) Independent and My Horoscope

Yes, I realize that I have written about my feelings in regards to horoscopes already, but this is pretty much exact to my day so far.  My horoscope today says:

Learning to be Miss(ter) Independent

Monday, June 18, 2012 – You might be in emotional distress today, finding it difficult to ask for what you want. Your thoughts seem to be buzzing around in never-ending circles as they continue to grow more intense. Controlling your impulses is your smartest strategy to keep things from unraveling now. Thankfully, there’s no need to be overly concerned because your mood will likely shift midday, enabling you to settle down and accomplish your goals.

via Taurus horoscope for Monday, June 18, 2012.

If you read any of my morning tweets or my song of the day blog earlier about being totally f*cked you are already aware that I woke up in a mood that is very accurately defined as “emotionally distressed”.  I kind of wanted to smack myself in the face a bit this morning.  Life is a bitch, this is no lie, but I feel like I am too hard on myself at times.

Now that it is one in the afternoon I am starting to come around to a more confident mood again.  I am sure that processing a divorce is going to cause me multiple mood swings over the next year even though I think the divorce is the best thing for me.  Partying a bit too hard last night doesn’t help things either.  I should know not to go out so hard when my emotions are such a mess as is, but at the same time I am going through a lot and it’s only natural to not be totally in control every once in a while.  No one said divorce was going to be easy right?

Now I just need to stick to the one line in the horoscope saying to control my impulses.  My impulses are crazy lately.   I plan to stick with my decision this morning to not drink as much as I have been for a while.  Maybe I won’t completely cut alcohol out of my life for a month like I did in May, but I will cut it drastically back.  With that decided I will increase my exercise routines drastically.

No more of the 3 day a week running routine.  I have a new New York Sports Club gym membership.  It’s time I put it to work!  It’s time I make exercise a 5 day a week routine at least.

Two friends and a therapist also suggested I incorporate Yoga into my life.  I’ve never been much of  a Yoga person, but I honestly never gave it a real shot either.  I’m sure it will help with my stress levels and at the same time help increase flexibility… which, let’s be honest, if I am going to be single I need to be flexible when it comes time to start dating again!  Men like boys whose hamstrings aren’t overly tight from running (too much information?).

I also think acupuncture will help, but I haven’t really looked into it yet.

All of this is obtainable and as my mood has changed midday (as my horoscope indicated it would) I feel like goals aren’t too far out there if I just settle down a bit.  Reaching these goals are important because I think they will help me get myself to a better mental place.  I’ll be able to handle my emotions better as I dive headfirst through the recovery process of having the last 7 1/2 years of my life washed away as if a tsunami crashed on top of me.  Most importantly sticking to these goals and doing these things will help me understand, be come comfortable with and be confident in being independent, something I am not totally comfortable with (as I explained earlier).

Really what it boils down to, and I don’t want to repeat anything from my song of the day blog, but I just need confidence.  Achieving these goals, which seem relatively basic and simple in theory, will help me regain confidence in myself.  I have to remind myself that I am going to be a hot mess from time to time as I go through all of the hellish things I have been going through and not to beat myself up to much for it.  I just have to find myself and not listen to the discouragement I receive that this person I am slowly starting to introduce to the light isn’t a person worth introducing to the light.

Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson

My horoscope for today – June 6, 2012

I use to never pay attention to my horoscope.  Like many people, I kind of feel like astrology is a bit of a joke.  That was until a few weeks ago.  All of a sudden I needed something to guide me.  Apparently I have been slowly losing my ability to tell myself how to even make it through the day without help.

So I started reading my horoscope.  It was almost creepy though.  From the very first one I read to today’s, they all tend to be pretty on point (although I can admit a bit generalized so you could probably apply them to any one’s life).

Today the horoscope for a Taurus on www.twittascope.com says:

Take care of your basic needs today and finish up chores that you should have completed earlier in the week.  However, you may not be fully committed to the most sensible routines now even if you see the world through a practical lens.  Although you’re able to attend to business while planning for your future, there’s no reason for you to limit your dreams.  You can accomplish the impossible if you just set your mind to it.

Should I read into this?  Let’s start with the first line about taking care of basic chores, chores that I should have completed earlier in the week.  I washed and dried laundry, but didn’t fold or put it away.  I did half the dishes, but never started the washer.  I said I would go get my haircut, but passed when I realized that would involve taking some effort.  Maybe the first line of my horoscope is something to rationalize.  Why not take care of basic chores?  I mean, I could go grocery shopping finally.  It would be useful to have some food in the apartment… I guess.

The second line reads, “however, you may not be fully committed to the most sensible routines now even if you see the world through a practical lens.” Not much to take from that beyond the fact that I don’t see much use in completing any of the chores that are basic necessities in life at the moment.  I just want to put them off.

Line three says that while I am able to attend to business while planning my future, there’s no reason for me to limit my dreams and line four goes into saying I can accomplish the impossible.

Those are the two lines that have been echoing in my head.  There is something that feels rather impossible that I am longing for.  I don’t have much control over anything in life lately though so how do I put my mind to it like the horoscope suggests?

Maybe I should give up on thinking a random block of text actually can help predict or guide my day to day life.  I mean, living life one day at a time and not looking forward or backwards does open me up to the need of things like horoscopes that tend to suggest how to live today… but they are just random text generated by a random website.

Do you believe in horoscopes? What’s the point of them? When you read yours do you do anything about it?  Do you have some sort of way of addressing it?

What I should really do is realize that life is exhausting and stick with chugging coffee until bedtime (for my view on coffee checkout my earlier post: Mr. Coffee, My Best Friend)

My horoscope today leaves me wondering… WHAT?

Today’s Horoscope – My response…. HUH?

Tuesday, May 29. 2012 – Although it takes extra effort, you’re able to keep things under control today; however, you can still tell that the winds of change are blowing in a storm.  You may be scared that you won’t be able to continue your present course.  If your goals are realistic, they won’t likely be threatened by the external chaos.  But you might have to modify your current plan or you could temporarily lose your way.

Via Taurus horoscope at twittascope.com

After reading this I had to say one thing, “What?”  Lately I have been trying to live life one day at a time.  I don’t have many goals beyond that.  My goals need to be realistic?  I don’t have goals.  My goals are to make it through another day in one piece.

I should modify my current plan?  One day at a time is my goal and my plan so if I modify it I won’t be achieving my goal which the same horoscope says won’t be threatened.

My horoscopes lately have been dead on accurate.  I’ve never been big into astrology, but I have been paying attention to it lately.  Today, I am back to questioning it.  I just don’t understand what it is trying to tell me.

The only thing I can remotely pull out of it is to make an extra effort to make it through the day in one piece, even if that means I have to think a little farther out.

Sounds like bull to me, but we shall see.


 

My horoscope for today is almost exactly on target…

Friday, May 25, 2012 – You may struggle with your self-esteem today, especially if you receive mixed messages about your work from your boss. You aren’t clear about what is expected of you and you might just want to sidestep the whole issue. However, it’s healthier to talk about your concerns with coworkers or friends. Once you make some sense out of the situation you’ll be able to keep moving forward.

Today’s horoscope for me is blindingly appropriate.  While it is wrong because it mentions work as a possibly cause for struggling with my self-esteem and it is not work that is causing it, it isn’t wrong in saying I am struggling with my self-esteem… but the cause is my personal life.  Work is great. My job is great.  My life is not so much…

“You may struggle with your self-esteem today…”  I could have told you that one before I feel asleep last night, but none-the-less the horoscope is correct.  I am blinded by hatred of myself right now.  I can’t find a single good thing about me.  I am not saying this looking for sympathy or praise, it’s just how I feel.

“I am not clear about what is expected of me…”  No I really don’t know what is expected of my in many situations in my personal life.  That is pretty much on par as well. Everything that is said to me causes confusion.  I think I come off and being stupid but really I just can’t wrap my head around the simplest things right now.

“It’s healthier to talk about your concerns…”  Yes, I am trying to talk about my concerns.  It’s a bit hard because I am so overwhelmed lately I don’t really know what all of them are, but I am trying.  It really is healthier.

“Once you make some sense out of the situation you will be able to move forward.”  That is the main issue for me.  I can’t make sense out of anything.  I don’t think that makes me stupid, I think that makes me human.  Things are so tense and stressed right now it’s only naturally to be easily confused.   My brain feels like there is a weight on it not allowing me to see clearly.  I think once that fog goes away I’ll be able to think clearly and move forward…


via Taurus horoscope for Friday, May 25, 2012.

My / Taurus horoscope for Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It’s kind of unnerving when your horoscope is accurately fitting to your daily experiences.  Today a colleague asked me why it seems I am on a different planet.  I wrote it off as a random question as my friend suggested I do, but none-the-less I was unsettled when I read my horoscope for today which is:

 

Close friends and co-workers may perceive you as being more stable than you currently feel. It’s not that you’re hiding anything from them now; it’s just that you can use your charm to cover up your insecurities. Thankfully, you have a chance to build your self-esteem over the next few weeks, especially if you can be vulnerable with someone you trust. Expressing your uncertainty opens the door to a deeper conversation and a more intimate connection.

via Taurus horoscope for Tuesday, May 15, 2012.

 

I already am aware that I have the opportunity to build my self esteem over the next few weeks.  I know this because I have taken steps to ensure I improve myself.  This includes therapy (I know I should probably be less open about that, but I really don’t care) and detoxing (which I am on day 17 of) to clear my mind and get a grasp on my reality.

I am also allowing myself to be vulnerable with a few people I trust and love.  I have begun to be more open about my faults, mistakes and things of that nature and reaching out for support from those I trust.  Expressing my issues to closer friends and family has helped me to not just work through those issues but to realize I do have a support group out there, even if a majority of them have to support me from a distance.