When I wake up and get ready in the morning I know that I have a routine that doesn’t necessarily fit into the stereotypical mold for a traditional man. It’s not unknown to me that I am not an all American jock. Masculinity isn’t a word that would apply to me even a little bit. I’m not traditional. I’m a gay man.
In the mornings I shower like “men” do, I shave like “men” do, but the similarities to the traditional view of a man end there. You see, I also pick out color complimentary clothing that is fitted tightly to my body. Often my clothing is blasted with hot pinks, bright yellows and shades of purple. Next I style my hair multiple times until every curl is exactly where I want it and some times I flat iron it piece by piece until it’s flawless. Then I move to my face. I apply concealer to any imperfections that I think tarnish my face, I dab on under eye concealer and tinted facial moisturizer to serve as foundation. On Halloween (and maybe one or two other days a year) I may even apply a little eyeliner and mascara to make my eyes pop. Once a week I shave my legs and once a month I get my eyebrows waxed.
I wear the clothes I do, I do my hair the way I do and I do put on makeup like I do for one reason. That reason is because I enjoy it. It makes me happy. I feel good about me. It’s how I choose to live my life. It’s not particularly masculine and is well out of the male stereotype, but it is me. I’m a little different than the average bear (no pun intended) and I am aware of that. I’m gay. I’m feminine. I am who I am and I am perfectly proud of it.
I realize that not everyone is going to accept me for being less than an all American man. Especially when I am in the ignorant conservative area’s of the country. In those areas I am slightly annoyed with negative comments I may receive, but I know that these people are simply ignorant and insecure with their own masculinity. That’s not an excuse for them, but it is the way it is. I don’t let it get to me.
What does upset me though is the gay men who give me shit for being me. A gay man mocking me for my shaving my legs or wearing makeup disgusts me. A gay man laughing at me, not with me, about my concealer, shaved legs or whatever else I am wearing or doing isn’t acceptable. I would expect a gay man to understand that not all men have to live their lives by one mold. Since I wear makeup you’re given the right to mock me? So I carry a rather large shoulder bag and admittedly label it a purse. Does that give you a right to be a jerk?
As a community, how do we expect to be treated equally and have the general populace embrace us for being different and nontraditional if we can’t accept the differences in the LGBT community ourselves? I refuse to keep being mocked, put down or humiliated because I am simply living my life. I especially refuse to accept intolerance for my differences within my own community. The LGBT community should be one where I can be who I am free of bullying, mocking and put downs because I am not traditional.
Having hairy legs and baggy clothes doesn’t make you a man in my book. Owning who you are as a person is what makes you a man. I own that I am out of the box. I love being out of the box. If you can’t accept that then you aren’t a friend that I want to be around any more. Gay men who put other gay men down for not being “masculine” or being feminine or doing things that stereotypes tell us only women should do makes those gay men no different from ignorant high school bully’s. I won’t stand for it. Not anymore.
This poodle can’t help but repost this video. I’ve never watched Honey Boo Boo’s new show on TLC, but I have enjoyed some of the clips that get passed around on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. Yesterday I saw the clip of Honey Boo Boo’s acceptance of the LGBT community when she introduced her gay uncle, who she refers to as Poodle, to the camera.
I was a little taken back by the stereotypes expressed by Honey Boo Boo’s mother and the comparison of other “gay” dogs by a girl I assume to be her sister, but all in all was pleased with her acceptance. It’s refreshing to see that this family, while following stereotypical thoughts about gay men, don’t live up to a stereotype about lower-income white families in rural America being homophobic.
In celebration of Honey Boo Boo’s acceptance of the gay community I think the world should rock out to her song, the auto-tune Honey Boo Boo Child – Everyone’s a Little Gay that was craftily put together and posted on Jimmy Kimmel Live’s YouTube channel.
Why you should ask me to be your roommate!
Finding an apartment to rent or room to rent in New York City is one of the most time consuming and often aggravating processes in the world. I’ve been going through all the possible websites to find a room to rent or apartment and decided I’d take my search one step farther. I’ve decided to let the room find me! As one of my favorite women ever, Whitney Houston, said, Step by Step. I am looking for an apartment or room to rent and I specifically want it to be in Astoria.
I’d make a good roommate. Why? Well, let’s see.
I have a steady job so you know I’ll make my rent. My credit score is high (trust me I checked it today). I’m gay, let’s just put that out there! Who doesn’t want a gay roommate? It’s like having a real life floor length mirror that talks back and will never let you walk out of the apartment in the wrong shoes. I’ll probably spend 3 – 5 days a week away, so you get a roommate while almost living alone. Talk about a quiet roommate right?
I have an adorable pug who loves almost everyone she meets (but she does have standards). She is sweet, well-trained and there isn’t a person on earth who doesn’t fall in love with her. She is American Kennel Club (AKC) approved and she will only spend about 50% of her time in my apartment as I like to take her with me if I will be away.
If that doesn’t make me sound appealing maybe this will… I can cook. I like to consider myself the gay Martha Deen (Paula Deen and Martha Stewarts illegitimate child). Okay, I’m not that good, but I promise I can cook.
I clean, but at the same time don’t mind if you aren’t anally on top of your dishes. Cleaning gives me something to do when I get bored with TV and who are we kidding, TV is boring lately so you can count on a clean apartment.
I’m an excellent mixologist. Seriously though, what gay isn’t? If you like my cooking you’ll love my mixing. Not only do I mix though, I am a really good wine shopper. If you have $10 I can guarantee we can find a good wine to sip while sitting on the couch if we share a roommate movie night together.
I have tons of music a roommate could have access to. That’s obviously just a side perk to living with me. I love music and listen to it most of the time. When I write I rarely write in silence, but I prefer to wear headphones so the music won’t bother you if you aren’t a music person. I’m so considerate that way!
Also, I shouldn’t forget to mention, I am a runner. Runner for life in fact. If you need motivation to get yourself out on the pavement I am your guy (but you don’t have to run with me of course, just putting that sentiment out there).
If you’re a girl I have a few straight guy friends you may just hit it off with, if you are gay I have tons of perfect gay friends and if you are a straight man… all bets are off. Just kidding! If you are a straight man you can just imagine how many hot girl friends I have that I am happy to invite or not invite around.
After four years of living in Manhattan I think it’s time for a change. I want to live in Astoria and bring the Queen out in me! Oh, I mean the Queens out in me.
So what do you think? You want to live with me right? Or you know someone who would? Let me know!
Skyler Stone and Mike Smith – Hilarious, awesome and Straight allies to the LGBT community
I’ve written about this before, but it is something I am very passionate about. In the fight for equality for the LGBT community it is important to add an S on the end of that chain of letters. It’s my personal belief that to win equality the LGBT community needs to be 100% inclusive of our straight allies who support us, stand by our side, march with us, fight for us, and many vote in defense of our rights or to help us gain equality in the legal arena.
While I am about a week late to the game when it comes to the viral video made and posted by Skyler Stone and Mike Smith, I think it is a great video to watch. If you don’t have time to watch the entire thing I suggest you jump to the 3 minute marker and watch from there.
These are two great heterosexual men.
Hillary Clinton on Pride Month
Most people know that I am a huge fan of Hillary Clinton. A support of her 2008 run for President and one of the many people crossing my fingers that she runs in 2016. I thought I would share this video but Hillary says everything that needs to be said right in the video so I don’t have much to add besides saying thank you so much for this video Hillary! Love you tons.
The transcript below is copied from the US Department of State website linked here: http://www.state.gov/secretary/rm/2012/06/192136.htm
Video Remarks for “Pride Month” Transcript
Secretary of State
I am honored to join you to celebrate the fundamental freedoms that all human beings deserve – no matter who they are or whom they love. This month, and every month, we proudly reaffirm our commitment to making sure that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
In the United States and around the world, progress is being made. The tireless advocacy of generations is bending the arc of history. Barriers are being torn down, discriminatory laws repealed, and millions are now able to live more freely and participate in the future of their communities and countries.
But there is still much more to be done. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender men and women continue to be persecuted and attacked. They are arrested, beaten, terrorized, and even executed.
United States Embassies and Missions throughout the world are working to defend the rights of LGBT people of all races, religions, and nationalities as part of our comprehensive human rights policy and as a priority of our foreign policy. From Riga, where two U.S. Ambassadors and a Deputy Assistant Secretary marched in solidarity with Baltic Pride; to Nassau, where the Embassy joined together with civil society to screen a film about LGBT issues in Caribbean societies; to Albania, where our Embassy is coordinating the first-ever regional Pride conference for diplomats and activists to discuss human rights and shared experiences. And through the Global Equality Fund that I launched last December, we have strengthened our support for civil society and programs to protect and promote human rights.
We will not rest until full and equal rights are a reality for everyone. History proves that the march toward equality and justice will overcome barriers of intolerance and discrimination. But it requires a concerted effort from all of us. No matter how long the road ahead, I’m confident that we will travel it successfully together.
Wherever you are celebrating this month, I wish you a happy Pride.
My dear friend, well Twitter friend that is, @JustAMike suggested I write about relationships. I often write about the negative relationships I have with family and faux friends, but instead I am taking that suggestion as a request to write about my views on how to find and land your gay man.
Admittedly, I am not perfect and am no expert in this field. Let’s just clarify that matter straight away! I am, however, married and have been with my husband for almost 8 years so I do think I have done one or two things right.
With that said let’s consider this to be Bobby’s Rules of Landing Your Gay Man. For now I am going to just list my suggested rules. Some of these may not make sense to you and that is okay. I will respond to each rule with a follow-up posting detailing why I believe this rule is necessary.
Are you ready? You may not like my advice and if that is the case then don’t take it!
Rule One: Stop looking for love, a relationship or the perfect man.
Rule Two: Leave the jealousy at the door.
Rule Three: Give in on as many things as you want your partner to give in on (particularly on annoying habits you want your partner to do rid of and vice versa).
Rule Four: This is a simple one, don’t change yourself or expect your man to change himself just because you are in a relationship.
Rule Five: Remember that your friends come first and remember that his friends come first for him (at least in the beginning).
Rule Six: Leave judgment at the door on all topics and/or always be understanding. Boys remember, thou shall not judge!
Rule Seven: Do not put any rules on sex in the beginning (I look forward to explaining this rule further).
Rule Eight: Always look your best so you feel your best even eight years into the relationship (this rule is for you, not your man as you will learn later).
Rule Nine: Allow your man and yourself to party like rock stars every once in a while. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to sit at home.
Rule Ten: Accept that some friends and family members of yours will just not like your man and accept now that the opposite applies as well.
Maybe this all seems too easy. Maybe this all seems naïve. Maybe I am just full of it. Who can say, but I do entertain myself and look forward to flushing out each rule while explaining how it helped me and my husband sync and become the couple we are today.