Tag Archives: FaceBook

Bobby and Blair in 2012 after first starting to date at Boxers NYC.

After 8 years, we had our first date!

2004:

Remember the days before Grindr and OkCupid?  When we had to either use antiquated social sites like XY.com or Gay.com to find other gay men in our area to be friends with, or to do other things with?  Back in 2004 I was one of those people using XY.com to see who else was out there.

Virginia was a lonely world for a gay guy in his late teen years.  I wanted friends or a guy to date.  I found a lot of frogs in that time, but no princes.  To be fair I was in high school and about to head off to college.  I didn’t really know what I wanted at that time.

None-the-less I searched longingly to fill an emptiness inside of me.  Then one day I got a message from a guy on XY.com.  He was cute, but a bit older.  I was a senior in a Virginia high school and he was a freshman at American University in Washington, DC.  We talked for a while on AIM, that’s American Online Instant Messenger for you young kids out there, and tried a few times to go on a date. I loved chatting with him online. He was forward, but honest.  He was sweet and always knew what to say. He made me laugh every day.

At that point in my life I thought laughter was gone from my world, but he had reintroduced it to me. Unfortunately with his just having started college and my trying to wrap up high school we never got the chance to meet in person before I packed up my bags and moved off to college.

2008:

In December of 2007 I graduated from college a semester early.  My boyfriend at the time really wanted to move to New York City and I figured it sounded like fun so I went along for the ride.

When I arrived in New York I realized I didn’t know anyone besides the boyfriend I moved up with.  At this point in my life my online world had already started to expand.  I was on Myspace and Facebook and used them both regularly.

One day when I was sitting bored in my Hell’s Kitchen apartment I decided to see if I could find anyone from my past who may have moved to New York as well via Facebook.  I signed into my account and synced all my contacts into my Facebook profile.  First my AIM contacts, which included that adorably sweet guy from American University who use to chat with me my senior year of high school.

He popped up as someone from my contact list who was also living in New York City now.  I was excited to say the least.  I kind of knew someone and possibly could make a friend.  No, we couldn’t date at this point because I had a boyfriend, but I figured everyone needs friends.

I decided to make the bold move to write him. I was going to be throwing a birthday bar crawl for a friend so I decided to invite him to that. A group situation to break the ice seemed like a good idea.

Our Facebook conversation started February 21, 2008:

Blair responded to my invitation: hey hun, not sure how we know each other, or what party I am supposed to attend, but I guess if you’re coming to NYC to party let me know where and when, k, hope you have a good bday!

Realizing that I probably sounded a bit crazy since we hadn’t ever met or talked since 2004 I thought I should say more. I added someone I talked to 4 years earlier on a dating website to my Facebook page, invited him to a birthday party and expected him to remember me and come. I tried my best to reign in my crazy.

I wrote him back: I did the find which of your AIM contacts are on Facebook.  I decided to check my old screen name from when I lived outside of DC.  I think we met when you were in college at American University.  Now that I live up here in NYC I figured I’d add you as a friend because it never hurts and I really know no one up here lol. I know it seems random!

I guess Blair realized that his original message was a bit curt so he replied:

Blair’s response on Facebook: No, I wasn’t trying to be mean, just confused and didn’t want to ignore you or anything. That’s totally cool, when I moved up here I didn’t know a ton of people either but now I have a really great group of gay friends and girlfriends from work, etc. So yea, if you and your bf or whomever are ever interested in going out just let me know, they’re a lot of fun. And as I said last night I was kinda confused about when and where your party is so if your having one let me know. Have a good day!

Our conversation continued for a couple more exchanges. I tried my hardest to engage with him and he entertained me to an extent, but as he tells me now he didn’t see much of a point. I had a boyfriend and he wasn’t interested in just being friends.

He never showed up at the party i was throwing and we didn’t get to meet that year. I wasn’t all that surprised, but it was worth a shot to run into him again after 4 years.

2009:

Nonchalantly, as all of us do, Blair and I wished each other Happy Birthday on Facebook when our birthday’s came around.  While we both arbitrarily invited each other to our birthday parties that year, neither of us went to the others. Our lives continued on separate paths.

2010:

While living in Hell’s Kitchen on 47th Street between 8th and 9th Avenues I was walking Evian when I noticed a guy walking toward me.  At this point I was married to the guy who I had moved to New York City with, so was still unavailable.

None-the-less the guy caught my eye.  I am only human after all.  As he got closer I could tell he was looking at me too.  He was incredibly sexy.  His walk screamed of confidence. His outfit was fitted and stylish and his scruff was so sexy I could hardly take my eyes off it until I noticed his eyes.

He must have noticed me staring because he kindly said hi as he passed. Once we were a few feet past each other we turned, smiled and waved acknowledging that we knew we had just passed each other in person for the first time since we had started talking in 2004.

Sadly, I was taken and he was walking to meet a guy for a date. The stars were not aligned for us at this point.

2012:

In 2012 I split with my now ex-husband.  Divorces take a long time, but one month after announcing publicly that I was no longer married I got a message that changed my life forever.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was sitting at my desk at Roosevelt Hospital in Midtown Manhattan when I noticed my Facebook was blinking.  Someone had either sent me a message or made a comment.  I decided to check it out.

Blair wrote me a private Facebook message on June 27, 2012: So, I know this is kinda random, but I see your pictures on Instagram and Facebook all the time and always thought you were such a cutie. I know we chatted ages ago, but I guess I didn’t realize you were single until very recently.  Would it be too forward to ask you out for a drink sometime? Hope you’re enjoying this lovely day. ~ Blair.

I think I read the message twenty times before calling over my work-wife Daisy to read the message with me and stock his Facebook photos.  A couple of guys had asked me out since the divorce and I had gone on dates, but none had excited me as much as this guy.

I was hesitant but after ten minutes I wrote him back, “Hi Blair”.  Then I must have had further hesitations because it took me two more minutes before I fully responded.

My full response sent on Facebook: You are just the sweetest.  I haven’t been single all that long, or at least public about it, so I’m not surprised you didn’t notice.  I think a drink would be nice. I do remember we use to talk when we both live in the DC area but never were able to meet up.  I am leaving for Virginia early Friday morning and won’t be back until July 12th. Anytime after that would be wonderful. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx and of course I do think you are cute as well, and a little forwardness is always welcome!

After about 15 minutes he hadn’t responded and my nerves were getting the better of me.  I was asking myself a hundred questions. Was I ready to date?  Am I moving to quickly?  If I wait

Then my conscience started to scream at me.  I couldn’t resist writing more because I felt guilty and as if people would judge me for dating.

I wrote: I do have to be honest though, not sure if I am looking to date at the moment, but a drink doesn’t hurt if that sounds good to you.

Smooth, so freaking smooth.  I guess playing hard to get has never been my strength.  Luckily Blair is patient. He has waited since 2004 to take me on a date, so dealing with a little hesitation didn’t seem much of an issue.

Blair responded like a gentleman: Well that all sounds fine, and I completely understand if you’re not looking to date, I’m kind of in an in-between stage myself, so maybe we can just get a drink and see how it goes, haha. The summer is crazy, I’m in and out a lot as well, but we should be able to find a time after the 12th. (I’m in Chicago July 14-17) Do you wanna just pencil in the 19th and revisit when we get closer?

My response:  Yes, we can pencil in the 19th. That works perfectly for me. I work in Hell’s Kitchen so I can stay in the area post work . If I come back from my trip earlier I’ll let you know. My trip is very up in the air at the moment as it’s last minute and things at the office are so crazy busy.  Chat soon or see you on the 19th .

I was due to take a two to three-week trip to my parents. I was very fortunate because my job at the time let me travel to my parents since my life had so much going on to get my head on straight.  I thought it would be perfect to get me out of the city and away from my ex.

In the days building up to my trip Blair and I started to exchange Facebook messages and text messages.  My attraction to him was growing with every day.

By the time I got to my parents we were chatting regularly.  I obviously through playing hard to get out of the window, until my parent’s home came into play.  Their home tried to force me to play hard to get.

You see, they live in the middle of no where Virginia.  The first day I was at their house a storm hit Virginia and Washington, D.C.  Power and cell towers were knocked out throughout the area.  This was an issue that lasted for about a week.

My parents are fortunate enough to have a land line for phone calls and a backup generator that can give electricity to the guest house I was staying in, but not to the main house.  My trip wasn’t ruined, but I couldn’t get on the internet to chat with Blair there.  I couldn’t text him or call him from my cell phone either.  To top it all off he was in Cape Code with his friend and I didn’t want to interrupt his trip by calling him from the landline. We hadn’t even met after all.

Yet, I learned quickly what type of guy Blair is.  Without hesitation or question he called my parents home that first night to talk to me.  He enjoyed talking to me and getting to know me.  I enjoyed talking to him just as much.  As if we were living decades earlier we started a courtship for two weeks over the phone.

When I could, I would drive the hour and a half to Richmond, VA were I could get service on my cell phone. That allowed us to send each other pictures of our trips and further connect with each other.

By July 11th I was dying to get back to New York City.  When I left I never wanted to go back, but after two weeks of talking to Blair on the phone I couldn’t wait. We got to know everything about each other.  We had no choice, but to talk and learn about each other’s lives.  I think that is something missing in a lot of relationships today.  Thanks to apps like Grindr people often meet, have sex and move on with their lives.

When the time came for me to decide if I would stay an extra week or go back to New York City I decided I had to go back to New York City.  My mother and I hopped in the car and began the long drive up the east coast.  The entire time Blair and I texted each other and sent pictures as I made my way back to the city. He was already back from his trip.

My mom and I arrived around 5 pm.  She had to continue on to Connecticut for a business meeting, but I had business to take care of as well.  I unloaded the car, put Evian in my apartment and immediately headed to Queens.  Blair and I couldn’t wait any longer. We mutually decide that July 19th wouldn’t work.  The moment I got back to the city on July 11th I ran to the subway and our relationship began. We met for the first time in person and never looked back. 

Two years later I have to say, he is every bit as amazing and thoughtful as he had been those first two weeks while I was in Virginia.  He is a gentleman that wants only the best for me.

2014

Today we celebrate our two-year anniversary.  It’s been the best two years of my life.  We’ve moved across the country together and started a new life. We adopted a second dog and began to form our family.  Most importantly, we have decided to get married.  Sometimes I just have to sit back and remind myself that I have a pretty amazing life and an extraordinary partner.

I’m  not a patient person, but sometimes the best things in life are worth the wait!

 

 

 

social-networks

Personal views on Social Media Audiences: Twitter, Facebook, WordPress & Instagram

social-networksIn a world overwhelmed by social media we have had to learn how we are comfortable integrating social media into our lives.  It’s a crazy web opening up our lives to millions of people.  Depending on the social media site you are using faceless, nameless people you have never met can comment both positively and negatively about you at all times.  Everything good about social media is also the bad things about social media.

Yes social media does give us a larger voice, but it also gives a voice to the irrational.  Yes we have access to information, but we all know the internet is full of false information.  Yes it’s fun, but at what cost?

Parents, teachers and people of the older generations often are preaching about how the youth today are putting too much personal information on-line.  People fear those of us who use social media religiously are putting ourselves at danger and with constantly changing privacy rules and settings we rarely know what is visible to strangers and what is not.

That’s why I created my fool-proof system for social media. My rules are simple and straight forward on how I behave online.

My first rule is in regards to Facebook.  Out of all the social media sites I believe Facebook is the most personal.  I view Facebook like my home or hub for social media.  It’s personal and I hold the information included as closely as I feel I need to.  85% of the time I do not add people I have never met before as friends on Facebook.  This is my life.  It’s my friends, my family, my colleagues and people I know and trust.

Yes I do post a lot of things publicly, but with Facebook I have that option to pick and choose what I post and I have the option of who sees it.  I often utilize this platform to post commentary that can spark debate.  Mostly because I know my friends and family  can handle a healthy debate or won’t start a debate just because they disagree. They will start a debate if there is one to be had, but not one just to argue.  My friends and family get me. They get my thought process. They make their points and then they go about their business.

That’s what I love about my family and friends. I can trust them to be mature.  I trust them to at least have a foundation for their beliefs.  That’s why I allow them into this personal world and I try my best to engage in the dialogue.

I also use Facebook to post personal things I want to share with friends and family, but I may not want future employers to see.  Another case is if I want to post something I don’t want someone being able to Google, but still may have a cute picture from a party worth posting.

Facebook is my home.  If Facebook is my home then Instagram and WordPress are like the city and state in which I live.  I reach a wider audience with these platforms, but not as wide as I do with sites like Twitter.  People choose to read or not read what I post. People choose to view or not view the photos I post.  You typically have to be searching out a topic to find my postings on WordPress or Instagram via tags and keywords.

Twitter, well twitter is the world because I use it more globally.  Unlike Facebook I don’t use privacy settings. My personal filter is also much less tight on Twitter.  The way I see it is that Twitter is like a blog.  It’s a place for me to succinctly air my opinions on large issues, current events, celebrities and life.  It allows me to engage a wider audience, but with that I am engaging thousands of people I don’t know.  You can’t control the dialogue.  By that I mean you can’t control the level of descent or negativity.  You can’t control the level of respect people have toward one another when engaging in an argument.  It’s global.

While my family, friends and colleagues are welcome to follow me on Twitter, they must do so with a clear understanding that I won’t hold back or ask my followers to hold back if they engage with me on Twitter.  I share my opinion bluntly and openly on Twitter.  I discuss topic I wouldn’t necessarily discuss on Facebook in front of my parents. siblings, nieces and nephews like dating when I was single or which soccer player in the World Cup is the most filled out. I’ve never actually talked about that, but it seems like a good Twitter topic.

Basically I view social media by audiences.  I chose who will see what and I allow full engagement, but with a bit more respect on personal profiles like Facebook.  Klout posted a great article about the different types of social networks and what they are used for. Here is how my views fit in:

Facebook:

Personal. Filtered and private. For family, friends and colleagues only.

WordPress and Instagram:

Shared Interest Community. I watch what I post, but I do post openly and honestly. Anyone can engage on my accounts and I invite them to, none-the-less I do use a bit more of a filter here as well since my audience is wider.  My blogs are easily searchable and we all know you have to be careful with what you post online.

Twitter:

Content Sharing. Is for everyone to use and abuse.  It’s for thoughts and mindless musings. It’s for engaging strangers on any and every topic out there.  It’s to speak passionately and openly.  It’s global.

One way technology has changed for the worst

see eeverythingThe unfortunate part about getting older is the fact that I can remember the times before technology.  Technology has definitely made life easier as its continued to progress, but it has also taken away some of my favorite aspects of things like the internet.

Young kids today don’t remember the days of dial-up internet and AOL having the monopoly on the market as far as providers go.  LiveJournal and chat rooms are pretty much a thing of the past thanks to more public sites like Facebook, Tumblr and WordPress.  This is great in many ways.  I love these sites, but it is awful if you were one of the people who enjoyed the privacy from time to time given back in the earlier days of the internet.

popular-social-networking-sites-privacyYou see, before everyone and everyone’s parents got on social media I use to love having a place to turn to where no one I knew would read what I had to write.  They would hear my issues I felt I couldn’t share with family and friends and give me an outsiders perspective. Yet, I didn’t have to just write in a journal for no one to read.  I could write anonymously about everything on my mind and get feedback.  I had a place to vent.  I had a place to turn to.

online-privacyToday, most of us realize there is no such thing as privacy when it comes to the internet.  Your Facebook account is flooded with family, your twitter account is followed by everyone you know and your blog is publicized by sites like Google.  This is great 90% of the time when you want to be heard by the masses, but what about when you need to breathe. What about when you need to share your feelings but don’t want your family reading what is going on?

imagesTechnology is supposed to open us up to the world at the stroke of a few computer keys… but then why do I feel trapped by it today?  I have nowhere to turn when I want to speak my mind and get feedback from those of you who read regularly even though I haven’t met you.  Your unbiased opinions are helpful to me and I do appreciate them.  I just wish I could solicit them still. employers-privacy

Me on Social Media

If you aren’t already follow me elsewhere on the internet:

Tumblr: www.tumblr.com/bobbyargabrite

Twitter: www.twitter.com/bobbyargabrite

Facebook: www.facebook.com/bobbyargabrite

YouTube: www.youtube.com/bobbyargabrite

FourSquare: www.foursquare.com/bobbyargabrite

Instagram: username – BobbyArgabrite

How has social media changed your life or been used in your life?

The recent announcement (and by recent I mean in the past few hours) that Facebook will be purchasing Instagram, I had to think a bit about social media and what I have used it for, how it has changed my life and what would be different if I didn’t use it so frequently. 

Thanks to social media I:

  1. Met my husband via MySpace back in 2004. 
     
  2. Won backstage VIP tickets to a Blondie concert via Twitter!
     
  3. Found someone to rent my apartment so that I could break my lease utilizing and integrating Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook. 
     
  4. Raised close to $40,000 from an entirely online and social media event for a local not-for-profit organization utilizing and integrating Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, Email, Text and the Internet. 
     
  5. Used Facebook, Twitter and other platforms to integrate social media into 6 live fundraisers over the past 4 years. 
     
  6. Met numerous new friends via Twitter and FourSquare.
     
  7. Reconnected with former high school friends via Facebook. 
     
  8. Sparked a religious debate over the separation of church and state and stopped talking to a sibling due to this debate. 
     
  9. Reached over 450 new supporters for a local not-for-profit while raising $1,000 for the same organization at the same time. 
     
  10. Became more competitive in the job market thanks to my understanding and background in social media. 

How has social media changed your life? What things have you used it for?