Tag Archives: California

Fighting a case of the Mondays


Waking up on a Monday morning is the same for me no matter what coast I am living on. It’s simply brutal.  The alarm clock goes off and I instantly groan.  Within seconds, but rarely feeling like it is quick enough for my liking, my boyfriend hits the snooze button. We then cuddle until the alarm sings out a second time, then a third and often a fourth time.

57437109Finally, that awful announcement rings out one last time telling me I am pushing my luck and need to stop allowing that snooze button to be pushed. From the side of the bed with its mocking instrumental song that I swear would be saying this if there were lyrics to it:

It’s Monday, it’s beautiful, get up off your butt you lazy fool. Look at me, I am as chipper as I am every other morning of the week as should you be!

I always wish I can just set the alarm clock on fire and roll back over, but without a second thought, I roll over as my boyfriend hits the snooze button a last time. It’s Monday after all so I guess I have to get up!

After 45 minutes of this snooze button routine I find the strength to pull my body out of bed and stumble to the bathroom. As I approach the mirror I am immediately thankful that I took my contacts out the night before, the first time I had taken them out in over a month, because my morning mess of hair isn’t fully visible to me as I stand in front of the mirror.  I know I have to look like a tragedy and that’s the last thing I need to witness when tired and grumpy!

The typical Monday anxiety swept up and down my chest as if I was about to go over a drop on an old rickety wooden roller coaster and I thought once again to myself, “well shit, another Monday”. Then stepped into the shower to wash the weekend fun off of me and out of mind so I could focus and start the week with a clean slate.

Trying to make it through my morning routine often seems impossible. I guess the shower doesn’t clean my mind well enough because I tend to still be dragging after.  This morning in particular I dragged as much as I could without making myself late to the office.  It’s strange because yesterday consisted of nothing but resting and relaxing. You would think I had set myself up for the perfect Monday morning, but it’s almost as if nothing I do can get me past a “case of the Mondays” as they would say in the movie Office Space.  It’s the same for me on every coast of the United States and across the world for that matter. I’m just not a morning person regardless of timezone or circumstances.

Knowing that I was screwed if I didn’t take action to combat this vicious case of the Mondays I decided I would treat myself to a Starbucks grande coffee. My magic weapon against my Monday morning exhaustion.  On my way into the office I swung by Starbucks and grabbed just that.  A nice, steaming cup of coffee with a splash of soy milk and a dash of Sweet N’ Low.  It’s like a warm embrace for my throat as I took my first sip. A smile came to my face with every sip that flooded between my lips, past my tongue and down my throat into my stomach.  It didn’t take long for me to feel the rush of caffeine as it seeped into my bloodstream.

The first few sip hit my lips like a charge of electricity.  I knew my Monday wasn’t going to be totally awful after that.  Coffee was in my hand.  With no care in the world when it comes to the fact that my cardiologist, general practitioner, psychiatrist and therapist have all told me to cut back or cut out completely the amount of coffee I drink I just walked to my car sipping away at my bitter, dark and luxurious happy juice.

As I approached my car, a sexy Jeep Grand Cherokee, I placed the paper Starbucks coffee cup on the roof and opened the door.  Heaving my body into the driver’s seat I got physically situated and then reached my hand up blindly to grab my coffee.

Without more than a second of hesitation my hand found it as if the cup had a beacon calling for me to drink some more.  I pulled it into the Jeep and started to place it in the cub holder closest to me when all of a sudden my hand was drenched in hot black liquid.

My eyes darted down to see that some how the cup had gotten squeezed.  The cap Coffee Cuppopped off and coffee exploded from the cup as if it was lava bursting out of an active volcano.

How the heck was I supposed to deal with this? I found some tissues and soaked up as much liquid as I could and then thought to myself, “maybe this is a sign?”

As I mentioned, countless medical providers have told me to either cutback the amount of coffee I drink each week or cut coffee out of my diet completely. From my cardiologist to my gastrologist to my general practitioner to my psychiatrist, no medical provider left the coffee stone unturned. apparently coffee isn’t good for my heart, it’s not good for people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) which I have, it isn’t good for people with anxiety and in general it is a good idea to not drink a ton of coffee on a regular basis.

Having this in mind both before I purchased the coffee, after I purchased the coffee and while I looked at my spilled coffee all over my Jeep I had one thought come to mind, “Is this karma?”

Coffee was a thing of New York for me.  I use to drink it by the gallon, grab a cup every morning with friends and a refresher every afternoon. Here in California though, the people I surround myself with have been advocating for me to try more natural alternatives to coffee.  Maybe it’s time I find a new secret weapon against a case of the Mondays. There are plenty of ways to energize myself in the mornings including:

  • Exercise: I’ve been trying to run in the mornings, but goodness knows my inability to wake up on a regular day has prevented me from waking up early enough to run on a running day.
  • Water: Drinking tons of water is supposed to help with energy so I have increased the amount of water I drink each day 10 times over.
  • Green Tea:  Green Tea actually contains a large amount of caffeine so you can get that caffeine jolt with out the coffee shakes.
  • Multivitamin’s: Apparently these are supposed to help give you energy, but I don’t notice it in the instantaneous way I do with coffee.
  • Wheatgrass Juice (and Green Smoothies): This is a natural source of energy containing tons of vitamins, minerals and other things to help energize your body.  Tons of my colleagues drink wheatgrass juices and other green based smoothies in the morning.  I’ve tried it once or twice, but still need to give it a fair shot.

There are many other alternatives, but these are some of the ones that are most mentioned to me.  Maybe it’s time I take the next step forward with getting my feet on the ground here in LA and kick the coffee habit I developed in NYC.  I have a feeling Green Tea would stain less if I absent mindedly spilled it all over the car in a half-asleep state of mind like I was in tonight.

What’s your favorite remedy for Monday exhaustion?

Coyote rib cage… redefined coyote ugly for me!

CoyoteNature is something that surrounds you when you live Los Angeles, CA.  Something I had known was going to be the case, but I hadn’t really wrapped my head around the full meaning.  That has changed now however.

Since moving to California I have gone on a number of hikes.  Every time I ventured out into the mountains I knew what the risks were.  Poison oak creeps around every bend, rattlesnakes slither along the ground and coyotes roam freely in the wild.  My first thought was to be too freaked out to venture out on any nature hikes, but I quickly got over that thanks to how beautiful California is.

Then this past weekend arrived and the reality of what is truly involved in the wilds of California became clear to me.  Walking along a dirt path in Lake Hughes, California this past weekend my friend came to a sudden stop.  She was looking off to the side of the path when she said, “um is that what I think it is?”

It was exactly what she thought it was.  My first thought was that it was a snake coiled quietly in the desert mountain brush.  That alone would have disgusted me more than enough for me to head back to my car and drive back to my apartment in West Hollywood.  Yet it wasn’t a snake of any kind.  Instead it was the remains of a coyote.  The rib cage to be exact. It redefined coyote ugly for me because those remains were no pretty.

You would think a snake would have bothered me more since I am petrified of snakes, but something about this random rib cage sitting a quarter-mile away from the little cabin room I was going to be staying in that night completely shook me.  Every bone had been licked clean.  It was as if the rib cage was an impostor, but it wasn’t. It was the real deal!

One of the feelings I was plagued by my last six months in New York City was that I felt overwhelmed by the lack of places I could escape to and not see buildings all around me.  I wanted nature and open spaces.  Spaces where I could exercise and clear my mind.  After 5 1/2 years Central Park was no longer cutting it for me.

Now I have to ask, what have I gotten myself into?  And even more, as we learned from Jessica Simpson’s sad experience when her dog was snatched by a coyote, what have I gotten my dog Evian into?

I’m not going to let this realization of what exactly is involved when it comes to nature stop me from going on more hikes, but it sure as heck is a new experience when moving from New York City… oh wait… is it a new experience? I guess I forgot about this little guy that ran loose in NYC two years ago!

SNTV – Wild coyote runs loose in NYC by splashnews

The California DMV Tanked My Mood

thAs last week came to an end I announced to my boyfriend, my mother, some colleagues and other friends that I just had to hold out until Monday, May 20th and I will be able to start a new week.  All the stress of back to back travel, events (both work and personal, and a jam-packed schedule was to be left behind me.

Then I got to experience my first trip to the California Department of Motor Vehicles.  It is time I exchange my New York drivers license for a California one.  This isn’t the hardest thing on earth to accomplish, but it isn’t without its hurdles.

First of all, like all Department of Motor Vehicles from across the nation, California’s are no different in that they are historically plagued with long lines.  Who has time for that?  Luckily, I live in the great state of California where their DMV allows you to schedule appointments ahead of time.  That sure kept the stress off of me!

My appointment, which I had scheduled over a month ago, was for this morning at 8:30 am.  The DMV opened at 8:00 am so I assumed there would already be a crowd when I was to arrive at 8:30.

To my surprise when I pulled into the parking lot of the Santa Monica DMV there were very few cars parked in the lot.  I didn’t count my lucky stars yet though. It is a DMV after all.  I assume some people inside couldn’t drive themselves there, if they all could then they wouldn’t be at the DMV right?

I sashayed, in the way that I do, through the front doors to find no line in the place.  The seats to the right were only occupied by a handful of people leaving at least 90% of them empty.  I naïvely laughed to myself and thought, “well this will go much fast than I thought”!

Now all I had to do was fill out the form to exchange my license and take the written test and I would be done.

So I thought, it turns out that I had forgotten to bring a copy of my birth certificate or my passport with me. One of the documents would be required to get a California driver’s license.

Immediately upon realizing I had forgotten these documents I walked back to my Jeep, sat down in the driver’s seat and slammed my head against the steering wheel.  After a long weekend which I had to work during I woke up early this morning just for this test.  I showered quickly and hit the road so I could study some for the written exam on my way and when I arrived.  All that stress was for nothing and I have to go through the entire process of making an appointment that doesn’t conflict with work or my personal life, study and deal with entering the DMV one more time.

There is one thing positive to come out of this experience and that is that California has received a point from me for the speed and efficiency of telling me I was inadequately prepared to apply for my driver’s license.  I feel like I would have been at the New York City DMV for an hour before someone would have told me I was unable to get my license today.

Now I’m stuck trying to shake off the foul mood this has left me in.  I have no driver’s license from California.  I have yet to take the written test.  I have to make a new appointment and wait a couple more weeks and still have to deal with this all over again.  My mental move to be more upbeat, optimistic and in a good mood is off to a rocky start. If only I had realized I needed those documents maybe my goal of starting the week on a positive note could have been achieved.

Totally Fucked – Spring Awakening… it just seems appropriate when you are speaking or writing about the DMV.

Song of the Day – BobbyTBD Blogs are Back

IMG_3137For the first time since I announced that I had decided to leave New York City and head to Los Angeles I have decided to pick up my blogging again.  Not exactly where I left off though.  After a couple months off of my typical blogging routine which consisted of listening to music and writing I have found myself in a new place.  A place where I feel safe and comfortable to start writing about my life again.

I took a break because I was sick of being sad.  Every blog had a theme and that theme was me trying to make myself push through a horrible year.  I was writing about divorce, life changes that scared the hell out of me and often the need to find strength even though I felt constantly weak.

Times have changed.  You see, there was period last year, before I met my boyfriend and connected with many of the friends I have735958_10100906850830716_264286980_o today where I felt broken.  My heart ached everyday when I woke up and alone was a word that defined every fiber of my being.  The guy crying in the corner of his kitchen on Riverside Drive as he watched everything he knew melt away is no longer the guy that I am. Today I am a guy who smiles surrounded by amazing people.

Yes, I still cry.  Everyone knows it and anyone who has tried to say goodbye to me as I get ready to move this week has definitely witnessed a few tears fall from my eyes. Yes, I’m still not perfect, but I am one thing I wasn’t last year.  I am loved and I know it.  Many people in my life have watched me go through an emotional roller coaster this past month (and for that matter the past year and a half), but this past month the emotions are different.  They aren’t sadness because I have nothing (sorry Whitney, but you aren’t getting this song of the day blog).  They are tears of the best sort.  You see I am no longer the guy that cries alone in his kitchen.  I am the guy that knows he isn’t alone and is surrounded by love and compassion.

778703_10100974203470486_996079940_oLast winter/spring a guy I use to think was a good friend called me and said I would never make real friends.  I have the inability to connect and understand others and make friends, at least that’s how I was made to feel.  I wouldn’t find that type of love.  I’d be alone.   For whatever reason, I believed him and among all the things I was feeling last year his words stained my heart and broke me just a bit more than I already was.  I gave up all my strength and passed it to those who counted against me.

Now I’m in pain because I am sad that for the first time in my life I feel like I belong.  I can honestly tell myself that my so called friend couldn’t have been more wrong and I was an idiot for listening to him.  When I announced my decision to move it felt like the hearts and souls of everyone I know opened up and embraced me.  The flood of support I received overwhelmed my senses in the best of ways while at the same time tearing down the negativity I had felt deep inside.  Every tear I drop is dropped because I am sad, sad to have fought for so long to feel loved and supported to realize it was already right there in front of me and yet so happy that I have the ability to be sad in this way.

Maybe it sounds crazy, but a year ago I was crying because I had nothing.  Now when I cry it is because I feel like I have everything I have ever wanted.  I am thankful to shed tears because I have to say goodbye to people who love me.  It’s a far distance601228_10100947988550396_2098358610_n from where I was a year ago.

I’m so thankful for these past few months and I’m so glad I get to leave New York knowing that I can be loved and I can make friends. It’s a new start that I get to start with a confidence that I owe to each of my friends, supporters, champions and my boyfriend. Even if I stumble a little here and there I am on my feet again.

Be prepared because BobbyTBD is back up and running and I will be detailing this new experience. This experience that isn’t about loss, but about gaining.  It’s about rebirth. It will be about taking myself out of the constant blogs of needing to be strong and fighting to make it and instead they will be about the fact that I am strong and have made it.

484779_10100943878776416_1910642851_nI’m landing on my feet and I am standing tall so as a reintroduction to my long-lost Song of the Day blogs I am dedicating this first blog back to the ever amazing song sung by Cher, You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me because this is a song I wrote about a year ago and what it meant to my life at the time.  I wrote swearing to those who counted against me, like my so called friend briefly mentioned above, that I was going to make it and you shouldn’t count me out or down.  I have landed on my feet and as Cher sings, “you can’t stop me.”