I Stopped Crying Over You (Just Like I did with What’s His Face, 5 Years Ago)

Originally posted on Betty, Travelling:

CBGB

Well, except for the “where CBGB’s used to be” part of you, that is. I did cry over that part of you. The rest of you, I did not.

I had a sense of foreboding about this trip. It had never really gelled in the planning. This was to be an ordinary trip in – work, see friends, see a show, the usual. Except there wasn’t a lot of work as I am no longer at the old job. I met with a friend about starting some consulting with her, and that was it. I wandered around the City, hauling luggage for much of the time. I had lunch until friends were ready to meet me for dinner. That was fun for a day. The heat, the displacement and the hauling began to take a toll. And the expense. Wowza on the expense. Maybe because I was newly unemployed, but…

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Self-diagnosing the cause of this headache

To say I was in a funk last week would be an understatement.  When Monday morning woke me up with those bitter rays of sunshine last week I immediately felt the cosmic pull dragging me into a string of bad days.  From the moment my eyes opened I knew I had a busy week ahead of me and no matter how much I dreaded it I knew I needed to focus on it.

Extra activities like blogging had to take a backseat, all the while I was telling myself I would  make up for the off week this week.  Well, one week later and this Monday morning didn’t greet me with a sun shinning smile either.  Instead I was woken up early by a blistering sinus headache or at least a headache I have self-diagnosed as a sinus headache. What in the world is this about? Why do Monday’s hate me?

When I lived in New York City I felt as if my allergies rarely bothered me, minus the mold that grew in my ancient Hell’s Kitchen apartment of course.  Yet here in Los Angeles I am dying.  If you watched me as I moved around my apartment this morning to get ready you would have seen a pathetic scene play out in front of you.  Allegra could have just put a camera up to record my ranting stumbles to use as the “before” footage for their next antihistamine commercial.

I felt miserable. It almost felt as if I was hungover without having gotten to drink heavily the night before. Where is the fun in that? That’s like immaculate conception. Where is the fun in going through the pain of pregnancy if you didn’t get to at least enjoy the sex?  Why suffer from a hangover like headache if I didn’t at least get to have a fun party the night before?

To top it all off I was out of coffee this morning, my office was freezing when I arrived and my outfit screams that I didn’t care about my professional appearance when I picked it out.  None-the-less the day must carry-on.

forn1067lSince this is the sixth day in a row that these allergy like symptoms are bothering me my boss has suggested I consider finding out if there is something larger stirring up these nasty symptoms.  I know she probably meant to get a professional diagnosis, but where is the fun in that? I don’t love going to the doctor, but I do love self-diagnosing like a lot of people enjoy doing.

I took to the internet like any smart person would do to get a health diagnosis. With WebMD’s symptom checker opened in front of me I started to try to get to the bottom of this awful headache.

I put in the basic symptoms that matched what I am feeling right now:

  • Headache
  • Slow thinking
  • Difficulty Concentrating
  • Disorientation
  • Dizziness
  • Nasal Congestion

article-2131275-12A4787E000005DC-873_306x510Let me tell you, WebMD came to the rescue presenting me with a narrow list of 99 possible conditions ranging from a middle ear infection to ricin poisoning.  Well shoot!  Who in the world would want to kill me with ricin? Oh yea, no one so it probably is just the ever annoying allergies that we have to deal with in life.

Next time my body wants me to hate being awake, I hope I at least have fun falling asleep so that I will have earned the pain! None-the-less this is a reminder to us all to try and stay away from the ever tempting internet when we aren’t feeling well. Self-diagnosis can end up causing people to overly panic. I remember when I swore I had cancer one year thanks to self-diagnosis.  10 hospital visits later and a lot of annoying tests and it turned out that I just had anxiety, which was increased by my new fear of cancer.

A cough is a cough, a sneeze is a sneeze, but self-diagnosis is when a sneeze becomes deadly.

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The Real Book Club of West Hollywood

It’s been over a week since I last posted something and that’s because… life happens. I got busy with work, personal life, trying to get my healthy living routine on track, but I am back.  The first post of the week is in honor of my book club!

If you have ever been a part of a book club you know they can either be really fun or really boring. Ours is on the fun side.

Interested in joining? Check out this video:

THE REAL BOOK CLUB OF WEST HOLLYWOOD

Paola Shea and Zach Rance on CBS Big Brother 16.

Big Brother 16 Episode 8 Thoughts and Recap

It was the second Big Brother eviction night and I was not let down.  It’s like my friend Christopher said in a comment on yesterday’s post, “I can’t stand Devin, but I’ll be sad when he leaves because he’s so crazy he’s good TV.”  I personally will not be sad when he leaves, but I can’t argue that he creates some amazing television.

The Nominations and Evictions: If you caught Wednesday night’s episode then you know the house was rocked by the Veto Ceremony when Devin removed Brittany Martinez from the block and replaced her with Zach.  Last night’s episode let us know exactly what went down after the insane move by Devin.

First off let’s talk game play here. Devin has targets on his back from all across the house.  His biggest target up until last night was Brittany, but after Zach lost his patience with Devin’s crazy antics Zach ended up falling into Devin’s cross-hairs. This left Devin pretty screwed.  His alliance was crumbling around him and he still had Brittany on the Block. If he was smart he would never have negotiated with anyone and stuck to his original plan.

He should have removed Paola from the block and kept Brittany on. That way the house would have been forced to either remove Zach who he can’t trust or Brittany who he hasn’t liked since day one.  Instead he stabbed Paola in the back and left her on the block to compete against Zach for elimination.

With that decision all hell broke loose in the house.  Brittany called Paola out for throwing the Battle of the Block competition letting her know that she was her target this week.  Paola admitted to throwing the competition because she trusted Devin, but now insists that the entire house should watch their backs around him.  She is right. He is 100% untrustworthy for everyone in the house because he is unstable.

Paola and Zach both gave pretty much the exact same “save me” speech.  Basically both agree that Devin should be on the block and the one to go home, but at the end of the day they both want to stay. Both declared that if they were to stay Devin would be their only target and no one in the house would have to worry.

Then Zach did something unthinkable, he called Frankie out for being untrustworthy and it was pretty clear that Frankie didn’t have Zach’s best interest in mind. To be fair, Frankie is in it to win it, not to just enjoy flirtations with a straight guy.

Zach ultimately had the most votes to stay in the game.  I am not at all surprised. He still has the members of his former alliance on his side and most of the house. The only two people to vote against him was Donny, who is Paola’s best friend in the house and Jocasta, who is just removed from the rest of the house.

The HOH Competition: The evictions were quickly followed by the HOH game.  It was one of those games where the houseguests roll a ball down a field and try to get their ball to land in the highest number at the other end. There really is no skill to the game, but it does keep you holding your breath.

Up until the last player went it looked like Frankie and Nicole were going to become the new HOHs of the week, but Derrick came out of nowhere and knocked Frankie off the HOH platform.  Frankly, I’m fine with that. As long as Derrick and Nicole stick with the idea of getting Devin out they won’t get blood on their hands and my least favorite person will be booted from the house.

Zrankie: I’m sad to say I think our hopes of a gay showmance happening this season is coming to an end.  After the trust between the unlikely couple, Frankie and Zach, dissipated I can only imagine their flirtations will as well.  Let’s wait and see, but Zach is one faux-boyfriend who is in the dog house this week!

At least there is a lot of homoerotic fun this season even if we won’t get to see two men fall in love or kiss.

Paola Shea and Donny Thompson: I haven’t written much about their relationship, but I have to say I was so touched by Paola’s tears as she watched Donny’s farewell video.  When I first saw Paola’s introductory clip I immediately judged her. I thought she would be shallow and annoying all season.  I had visions of her running around the house screaming like a cracked out sorority girl, but she never behaved badly like that.

Donny, well when I first saw him I didn’t know what to think. Frankly my first thought was that he was going to be ignorant, not relate to anyone in the house and a redneck.  I miss judged him as well.  Truth be told, he seems like the sweetest guy in the house.  He has a huge heart and knows how to stay out of the drama.

The two of them together were relationship gold. One of my best friends is a 50+ year-old woman who I met during my first job out of college.  Friends come in all types and that’s what Donny and Paola showed me. They reminded me that your friends can be anyone as long as they make you happy and feel good about yourself.  There was something so poetic about how they interacted together.

Showmances: I have to ask, since I am not watching the live feeds or spoiler blogs, what showmances are in the works?  Is this going to be a season of no showmances? That’s half the fun for me. It makes a reality show a chick flick all in one and I live for it!

Two Legs and a Twat

Originally posted on Betty, Travelling:

Scotty called it Two Legs and a Twat? It was always in the form of a question. In California, whenever I would bitch about a crappy day job, rickety actor cars and/or not getting the eighth supporting role in some shitty play in a rat-hole he would look at me and say “Mary, do you have two legs and a twat?” Our standards for survival were extremely low in those days, but yes, back then, I had to grudgingly admit that I could possibly muster up a couple of walking things and maybe a relatively functioning girl thing. So, we could actually soldier on, we weren’t as badly off as we liked to think we were, others had it worse, blah blah. Get on with it.

Dad sits and stares out the window for hours and hours at a time. He has recently recovered from a fall, but since then…

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Crazy Devin Shepherd continues his rampage

Feeling a bit swamped I have no time to write this morning. None-the-less I feel like I have to write something because last night’s episode of Big Brother was off the hook! Full of twists and turns as you would expect during a week where the house is controlled by an unstable HOH like Devin Shepherd.

We all know he entered this week with Brittany as his target for very personal reasons.  This started to backfire on him as some of The Bomb Squad and other houseguests realized that strategically Paola was the better person to vote out.  With Paola and Brittany still on the block after The Battle of the Block all hell began to break loose in the house as people took to Brittany’s defense.

I hate to break it to Devin, but the house has a point. Brittany is a strong competitor and really not a threat to anyone’s game as of right now. If handled correctly she could be a good ally for many in the house. unfortunately for Devin he hasn’t been handling her correctly.

Brittany showed some great social game as she worked to win over Devin.  She might not like the guy, but she knew the necessary evil.  Knowing he is a parent and holds that over everyone’s heads she tried to relate to him on that level and it seemed to work.

TO make matters better for Brittany, Devin called a Bomb Squad meeting that ended up in an explosive nature.  From what I can see the Bomb Squad is divided:

  • Amber, Cody, Zach, Frankie, Christine

standing against

  • Devin, Caleb

The issue is that Devin is in power and is unstable.  Zach and the other teammates spoke up to Devin and quickly found out that he is not a team player and will not condone contrary opinions.

In a shocking move Devin removed Brittany from the block and placed Zach on the block for disagreeing with him.  Game changing move.

The Bomb Squad has exploded and tonight’s episode should air exactly what the fall out will be. Devin now has the largest target on his back of all season.

The way I see it is that if Devin really wanted to be bold and say “F You” to all those who disagreed with him, wanted to keep Brittany, but also he wanted to prove a point of his power… he should have removed Paola and replaced her with Zach. That would have put the player he wanted out, Brittany, up against an alliance member. He would have got Brittany out and stirred the pot. At least he could have won something in that scenario.  Now he just stands to have Paola leave and Zach on attack mode.

I also feel like he is setting a horrible example for his daughter, something he feel passionately about. Showing his daughter that colleagues, friends or allies cannot have a dissenting opinion makes you seem a bit like a dictator or tyrant. Your alliance members aren’t out to get you until you make them.  You aren’t the leader of the alliance, you are a team.  Their opinions, even if contradictory to yours, should matter.

Tonight’s episode is sure to be explosive and you won’t want to miss it!

Devin and Frankie as Devin argues with Zach and Caleb in Wednesday, July 9th's Big Brother episode on CBS.
Devin and Frankie as Devin argues with Zach and Caleb in Wednesday, July 9th’s Big Brother episode on CBS.
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A Purpose: Defined

Over the past month I have been putting a lot of effort into finally revamping bobbytbd.com.  I’ve written countless times over the past year or two about how I have hit a road block when it comes to writing for my blog.  I just couldn’t get beyond the surface of things to topics I really felt interested in anymore.

Everything about the blog seemed wrong.  While my focus hadn’t really changed, in that I will always be in search of who I am and what makes me, me, I no longer was writing as a reaction to my divorce.  I had reclaimed my life, but that also meant changing to look of my blog.  If my writing is going to be different then I felt the visual of the site should reflect that.

Unfortunately with the change in my feelings toward the blog I also couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write about anymore. Now, after a month of hard work, I think I have started to make some headway.  With a new design I feel as if this blog has become more easily navigable.  Visitors can now see that bobbytbd.com isn’t just about me venting about my day. Don’t get me wrong, I realize I do vent a lot here, but it is now more evident at a quick glance that I am trying to do more. Maybe not much more, but more than just journaling about my friend Betty being a mean person.

I want to share an everyday, flamboyantly gay, 28-year-old man’s point of view on ever day life, events and interest.  That can range from healthy eating to America’s pathetic obsession with out-of-control celebrities and how my life comes into play… or at least my views.

There is also going to be a section dedicated to my favorite summer obsession, CBS’ Big Brother!  I’ve been watching it for years and look forward to it all year-long.  It’s such a brilliant show or social experimentation, how could I not analyze it each week?

Now that I have a visual for my website that I think is representative of me and I have started to tackle the wall preventing me from thinking of content and topics to write about I want to tackle something new.

Well, I don’t know why I am acting like it’s a big announcement. I wrote about it the other day.  I asked if I should try to tackle YouTube or not.  I’ve made the decision that I will, but what should I talk about on my YouTube channel?

I don’t want it to be like every other YouTube channel out there.  I don’t want to just be another product reviewer or something lame.  I want to bring something to the table that I haven’t already.  I want something uniquely me.

Look out later this month for the launch.  Topics will range from feminist issues to my views on haters of “sissy gays”.

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